Day 282 Honoring My Husband With Koinonia

In my quest today to learn just a little more about relationships I was fumbling through the book Experiencing God Together by Henry T. & Melvin D. Blackaby.  I came across a chapter entitled Koinonia God's Love Expressed, Experiencing God's Love Together in Life.  I was intrigued by the chapter because I teach the concept of Koinonia during leadership school and I wanted to know how they use it in the context of relationships.  After reviewing their explanation I realized it is what I want for Bryan and me so today I am honoring him with koinonia.

Koinonia is a Greek word used in the New Testament and is usually translated as fellowship and means the practical expression of God's love toward His people.  However I learned from the authors that it is also translated to mean partnership, sharing and even stewardship.  Koinonia is where God's love is manifest in real life.  The authors describe it as agape love in action and the essence of God's great salvation.  I had never referred to it in quite that context.  They go on to state that when it is applied to God's relationship with His people it takes on a much greater significance.  It means we become partners with God and nothing is withheld in true partnerships.  They also state that sharing is the release of everything there is in you to the one with whom you are sharing.  This is why I am honoring my husband with Koinonia.

Learning about koinonia in this context had me thinking about the practical ways I demonstrate love to Bryan and I remembered a fun exchange we used to do when we were dating.  We had a contest with each other to see who could come up with the best dates.  For a few months we alternated planning our dates for Saturday night and we rated the evening on a scale of one to ten as it related to fun.  I do not remember which of us actually won but I do remember how much fun we had along the way.  We each engaged in activities we had never experienced like ice skating, and mountain climbing.  Today I am honoring my husband with koinonia and agape love in action by re-implementing our dating challenge.  I cannot wait to see what we come up with.  Stay tuned to hear more.

Wives of the world how can  you honor your husband with koinonia?  In what practical ways can you express agape love to your mate?  Feel free to tag along with us on our dating challenge and please remember to share your stories with us we would love to hear from you?

Blessings,

Rochelle

Day 281 Honoring My Husband With Structure

Monday was the first day of serving in the sole role of wife.  I could not believe how exhausted I was at  the end of the day.  I spent the day washing and folding clothes, my least favorite task, and laying the foundation for the remaining weeks.  I am usually a person of spontaneity however I have learned there are great benefits to having a little structure.  One of the things Bryan complained about while I was in school was how often we had chicken for dinner.  He loves chicken but got a little tired of it after eating so many chicken meals. Because of this, today I honored my husband with structure.

I used to create menus for the week and had gotten away from that quite a while ago when I started school. Although my coach helped me rediscover my love for cooking, time just did not allow for the diligence of establishing weekly menus.  Today I honored my husband with structure by putting that task back in effect.  He used to enjoy knowing ahead of time what would be for dinner and would look forward to it.   I like the idea of having a menu because I remember how easy it was to go shopping, how much money I saved, how we had less waste as a result and how much more healthier I cooked.  We had more variation in our meals because I was intentional about cooking something different each evening.  It also allows me to use my mental capacity in other ways throughout the week and not worry about what to cook for dinner each night which at times was exhausting itself. 

Wives of the world how do you or can you honor your husbands with structure?  Bryan would say of the two of us he is the more structured person, I say it depends.  He is the more routine person because I love variety yet I think I am the more structured person even though I only prefer a little of it.  Who is the more structured person in your relationship?  In what ways will honoring your husband with structure make your life or his life a little easier?  How can you honor him with structure on today?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Many say variety is the spice of life, sometimes to get variety one has to indulge in a little structure." RAS

Day 280 Honoring My Husband With Implementation

School is over, we are back from a very nice vacation and my journey to serve in the capacity of wife and homemaker begins.  I have been planning and outlining what I believe needs to be taken care of  as well as making inquiries from Bryan and the Lord.  My plan looks more like a list of honey do's instead of what I thought it might look like.  Nonetheless today I am honoring my husband with implementation of this plan.

I was really surprised today as we headed home and I realized that once I got home there was no studying to be done, no papers to write, no client project to work on or no deadlines to meet.  I must admit at first I wondered how do I reframe my current status into a role that feels acceptable, validating, fulfilling and challenging for me.  While we were on vacation someone asked me what did I do and I said I am a consultant and housewife and he said so you are a domestic engineer.  My first response was well if that works for you and then I realized, it doesn't work for me. 

Domestic engineer sounds like a technical word for housekeeper and I believe anyone who takes care of their husband, home, children and family things are far more than a housekeeper.  I have yet to identify what word or words work for me, so in the meantime, wife works because it covers so much territory.  Now you can see why I am doing a survey.  I really need to figure this out pretty soon.  Today I am honoring my husband with implementation because my new journey begins now.


Wives of the world how do you or can you honor your husband with implementation?  Is there something you need to start but have been holding off?  I was listening to the WORD Network today and was surprised when I heard T.D. Jakes, followed by Joyce Meyers and then my Pastor all speaking about moving forward with what you believe God has given you.  Talk about a validation. Jake's stated to be relentless with passion, Meyers stated to reach beyond your fears and my Pastor stated in whatever we do, we are covered.  That being said I am moving forward with implementation of having the role of wife and will let the Lord guide this journey.  I submit to you to follow your heart and trust God all the way.   I believe implementing something that will make you a happier person is a way to honor your husband's love for you and his desire for your happiness.  Honoring our husband's does not always have to mean we are doing something for them, sometimes it means doing something for yourself.  How can you honor your husband with implementation today? 

By the way, please stay tuned for the questionnaire as I am still fine tuning it to keep it as short as possible.

Blessings,

Rochelle

 "Every beginning starts with an ending." William Bridges

Day 279 Honoring My Husband With Recreation

When Bryan and I decided to take the family on vacation for some reason we both thought we were  heading into very cold climate.  Probably because we knew we would be in the mountains but we had forgotten we were traveling south so it was a nice surprise when the weather in the Shenandoah Valley has been in the mid to high 60's since we've been here.

Today was yet another opportunity to honor my husband with the shoulder to shoulder friendship he so desires.  We don't always get the opportunity to exercise together and today we did, spent time relaxing in the whirlpool and swimming pool and then had a great dinner.  It was the kind of day that I love to have while on vacation.  For me whenever we are on vacation, every day feels like a date.  We typically do not have to worry about who's going to drive and when we do he will do all the driving so I feel special every day.  We get to plan the activities we are going to do or not going to do.  What I love most is that we get to determine how we are going to spend our time together instead of wondering how much time we will have together in a 24 hour period. 

Today I honored my husband with recreation by just having fun together and honoring both our need for shoulder to shoulder friendship and closing out the day with his need for the S in C.H.A.I.R.S.  If you don't remember what the S is, shame, shame, shame.  You can find the answer on Day 207. 

Wives of the world how do you or can you honor your husband with recreation?  While we were going about our day it dawned on me that if I want to have this experience on a more regular base, I just need to plan it and let Bryan know.  He is wonderful about ensuring we get the time together both he and I believe is needed.  I love it when the day is filled with emotional deposits into both of our accounts.  How can you honor your husband with recreation today?

Blessings,

Rochelle

"If bread is the first necessity of life, recreation is a close second." Edward Bellamy

Day 278 Honoring My Husband With Respite

Today was one of the best days I have had all year.  After a wonderful thanksgiving day filled with love, great food and fun, Bryan and I spent the day today shoulder to shoulder watching TV movies.  He spent Thanksgiving afternoon hanging out with our nephews playing basketball and pulled a hamstring muscle.  I think he forgot he's not the 20 something basketball star he used to be.  Nonetheless to recover from the activity we just lounged around in our PJ's until we got hungry.  Today I honored my husband with respite.

It has been quite a while since I have had the opportunity to spend that kind of time in front of a TV without a book, my computer or a paper in my hand.  It felt really good and he truly enjoyed it as well.  To our amazement when we did get up his leg was all better and he was able to walk again without pain.  Today I honored my husband with respite by allowing myself to just be.  It was a great moment of honoring my husband's need for shoulder to shoulder friendship.

Wives of the world how can you or do you honor your husband with respite?  Please share your stories with us we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"A day of respite is rejuvenation for the mind, body and spirit." RAS

Day 277 Honoring My Husband With Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving Day! 

Today was such a blessed day and a reminder about all the things I am grateful and thankful to have in my life. We celebrated today with both of our immediate families thanks to Bryan and his brilliant idea to spend our vacation and the holiday with the family. We had a few hiccups with our reservations when we checked in but in the end it all worked out.

Today I am honoring my husband thanksgiving because I am thankful for his idea. I am thankful for the opportunity to spend quality time with our families. I am thankful that we are able to have some downtime and I am thankfulthe Lord allowed us all to arrive safely, blessed us with a tremendous meal and allowed us to enjoy each other's company.

What has been so awesome about this time away is that we ran into some of our close friends and was able to enjoy their company as well and I got to honor my husband with relationship by watching the game with him. It has been a great blessing of a day.

Wives of the world how can you or did you honor your husband with thanksgiving? Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear and learn from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Give thanks to the Lord, for all things great and small."

Day 275 Honoring My Husband With A Plan

Write a plan and make it plain.

I cannot believe that I have less than one hundred days to go on this journey and at the same time I am very well aware that I am not done learning yet.  I made the commitment a couple of months ago to spend the month of December with no other major responsibilities except to be a wife.  It will be the first time since our marriage that I will have the opportunity to dedicate my time in such a way.  As I noted before I am excited and also a little nervous about what this might mean and what my husband will expect.  Nonetheless I am proceeding forward.  Today I honored my husband with a plan by preparing for this journey.

To prepare I have been asking him what are some of the most important things I can do to help him with his business or other things on his plate.  I have laid out a plan to get some things at home in order that are more of a concern for me than him like his closet.  I have also done some research on property management software.  My husband has over 50 property units that he manage and I have no idea how he keeps all that in his head.  I mentioned before about his phenomenal memory yet I know technology will be a huge relief for him and me.  Along with all this I am in the process of developing the survey I mentioned to get perspective from all of you about what it means to be a wife.

Today I honored my husband by laying out the plan to meet my commitment to eliminate or minimize all other duties, roles and responsibilities for the month of December to be a full time wife.

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband with a plan?  Is there something you have committed to do but have been putting it off because you have not laid out a plan?  When I initially had the thought to be a full time wife for the full month of December, I had a lot of curiosity about what that might look like.   In the absence of clarity I did what I do best, lay out a plan.  Sometimes a plan is all we need to move in the direction of where we are trying to go.  How can you honor your husband with a plan today?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"For lack of vision my people perish."

Day 274 Honoring My Husband With A Dedication

Today Bryan and I embarked on our journey to our vacation with the family.  Both Bryan and I are music lovers so he brought along some of his favorite cd's for us to enjoy along the way.  One of the cd's included one of my favorite Whitney Houston songs, "I Believe In You and Me."  As I listened to and sang along with the lyrics I was reminded of why I loved the song so much.  I am a huge, huge Whitney fan and it was wonderful to hear her one of her classics.  However the most important reason I love the song is because I so resonate with it as it relates to our relationship and how I love came to be.  Today I honored my husband with a dedication of Whitney's song.  To remind you of its beauty, below is a video version.

                               



Wives of the world how can you or do you honor your husband's with a dedication?  Is there a song that always remind you of him, your love or why you love each other?  How can you honor your husband with a dedication on today?

Blessings,

Rochelle

"A dedication of love in song is like melodic vows."

Day 273 Honoring My Husband With A Public Acknowledgement

There's no greater currency
than a public acknowledgment.

Today was a great day of celebration, exhilaration, thanks and acknowledgement.  I finished my school program today and we had our closing ceremony.  Bryan, my Mom and my sister were in attendance and it was a proud day for us all.  I did not know what the agenda was going to be for the  ceremony but was quite delighted because it afforded me the opportunity to acknowledge those that were my support system during the journey. Today I honored my husband with a public acknowledgement.

During the ceremony when we were given our awards and acknowledgements we received three roses.  We thought they were for us to keep but we later discovered that we had to share something about our support system and to give them a rose.  I loved the idea.  I gave one to my Practicum Advisor, one to a fellow cohort member and the third to my family but especially Bryan.  It gave me the opportunity to publicly acknowledge all the sacrifices he has made over the past two plus years for me to complete this program.  I was filled with tears by the time I was done because it was probably the first time I had a chance to really pause and think about how supportive he really has been.  It was a proud moment for me to share publicly about the great husband I have.  Today I honored my husband with a public acknowledgement of how great I think he is and how much I appreciate what he has done for me.

Wives of the world in what ways do you or can you honor your husbands with a public acknowledgement?  If ever you need to increase the emotional energy in your marital relationship, simply publicly acknowledge your husband in his presence, sharing how great you think he is and watch his back get a little straighter, his smile a little brighter and the increase in his emotional energy.  Is there something your husband needs to be publicly acknowledged for?  If so how can you honor him in this way today.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"A public pat on the back is like relational emotional energy on steroids." RAS

Day 272 Honoring My Husband's Emotional Capacity

It's hard to be up and excited
when your body is worn down.

Today was a huge day for me.  I can now finally say I am done with school.  Yeah!  Once I completed my  exam I called Bryan to share my excitement and enthusiasm.  We talked briefly but I could tell something was not right with him.  When I asked him he shared that he had gotten a phone call from a tenant at 4AM about a leakage in the building.  So he got up to take care of it and as a result he was exhausted.  I knew immediately that he really did not have the emotional capacity for my excitement and as much as he wanted to revel in it with me he could not.  

So I told him to get some rest and we would talk later, later came and I could hear the difference in his state of mind. I am so glad I know him well enough to know that his response to my initial call had nothing to do with me and that something must have transpired for him to sound so zapped of energy.  I truly love when the Lord allows us to see each other's needs even across miles and on the phone.  Today I honored my husband's emotional capacity by allowing myself to curtail my excitement with him until he could receive it in a way that allowed us both to feel good about it.

Wives of the world how do or can you honor your husband's emotional capacity?  Sometimes things happen with us, for us or to us that we so desperately want to share that we lose sight of the state of mind of the other person.  We then take it personal when they do not respond the way we would like.  Unfortunately couples are not always on the same page and in the same state of mind.  Away from each other we live different lives, you have your work and he has his and you don't know what each other are experiencing until you ask or are told.  We have to respect and honor each others emotional capacity during those times and not cause each other to feel bad about not being where we are.  Your husband is not you and you are not him so we have to respect the difference in our emotional capacity to allow each other to be free to be who we are in the moment.  How do you need to honor your husband's emotional capacity today?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Sometimes our cup runneth over and sleep is the only source of restoration." RAS

Day 271 Honoring My Husband's Advice

This is Friday's post, thanks for your patience.

Sometimes the best advice comes from home.

Hello everyone yesterday was my last day to study and prepare for Saturday's comp and by the time I  got to DC I was so tired I simply crashed to be well rested.  While I prepared for my journey to DC I really wanted to be in a quiet place where I could get some rest with no interruptions.  I had intended to stay with a friend but turns out she was traveling and I had to make alternative plans.  My intentions were to stay in a hotel for the night as I have done in the past. 

I contacted Bryan to let him know of my plans and I could hear him humming and hawing without directly saying what was on his mind so of course I asked him.  He then stated he did not think I should waste money on a hotel because I was probably going to want to do something else to celebrate the weekend and my accomplishment and he was correct.  I shared with him why I was going to get a hotel and he then proceeded to remind me of another family member that lives alone and would be able to provide accommodations meeting my requirements.  To make a long story short, he made the connection and so I stayed with his family member I am really glad I did.

Today I honored my husband by taking his advice.   Typically I am the one saying what he or I should or should not be doing when it comes to spending money, so it was nice to have him looking out for me in that respect.  I did appreciate not having to spend the extra money and used it on myself to celebrate after the exam was over.  I love it when God uses our mates to meet needs we don't even know we have until after the fact.

Wives of the world how can or do you honor your husband's advice?  Is there something he has been trying to get across but you have been ignoring him?  The Lord says "plans fail for the lack of counsel" and often times we have it right in our hands through our mates but we choose not to take it.  The next time your husband offers advice, remember the I in C.H.A.I.R.S.  which stands for Insight and his desire to provide counsel.  He does not have this desire for nothing it was given to him by the Lord.  How can you honor his advice today?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you. 

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Counsel and sound judgment are mine; I have insight, I have power." Proverbs 8:14 

Day 270 Honoring My Husband's Generosity

Today was a day of honoring my husband's generosity.  I am so proud of how he makes it a point to give back in so many ways to the community.  Every week he serves at the homeless shelter serving food.  For several weeks he had been talking about doing something special for the holidays but we are going to be out of town so he decided to provide the homeless shelter with an early Thanksgiving.  I could not believe how him and his buddies rallied together to purchase turkeys, sweet potatoes, collard greens, stuffing and cornbread to feed close to 300 people.

Yesterday as he was preparing he was concerned there would not be enough food so I had to remind him that Jesus fed thousands with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish and he would not allow him to put forth such an effort to have someone go without.  When he arrived home today he, although he was tired, I could tell he was also was very spiritually and emotionally filled.  He gets such joy and satisfaction when he serves at the shelter and he is always wishing he could do more.   He shared the event was a huge success.  I was so proud of his accomplishment as I know it was a huge sacrifice and as frugal as my husband can be, when his heart tells him to do something he lets nothing get in the way. 

When I think about all the different times he has given from the heart just because it was the right thing to do, it makes me proud.  He has financially supported one of his prior middle school student's through college, purchased Christmas gifts for families that were under his supervision when he worked for a social services agency, and the one that made me the most proud was when he paid for Christmas for a family he did not know.  He was at the store, this woman had a cart full of toys, games and clothes and had apparently miscalculated what she had available to pay for all of it, she was $300 short and guess who was behind her in line, that's right Bryan.  He paid her bill and told her to have a Merry Christmas. 

It makes me realize why the Lord continues to bless him and have kept him and us through some hard economic times.  No matter how he tries to be hard on the outside, those that know him well knows that he has a heart of gold and will give anything to those he love and even to those he don't when they are in need.  This is why I love him so.  Today I am honoring my husband's generosity because it is worthy of honor.  I know to some his efforts may be small however to me, him and those on the receiving end they are huge and I know God is smiling down on him for his obedience. 

Wives of the world how do or can you honor your husband's generosity?  How does he give in unexpected ways to you, your family or others?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"It is always better to give than to receive."

Day 269 Honoring My Husband With Flexibility

Go Ravens!

The countdown continues and there are only 3 more days to go. Praise God!  Bryan and I have been  looking forward to vacation.  As you may recall we changed our plans so we could spend the holidays with the family and decided to bring them along on vacation with us.  The plan was to leave on Sunday right after my closing ceremony at school.  However, Bryan realized the Baltimore Ravens are playing on Sunday beginning at 1PM.  My ceremony is not over until, guess what, you got it, 1PM. So the question became should we leave as planned or make yet another adjustment.

Bryan looked at me as if to say, "Can we leave on Monday?"  I stated to him, after Sunday, my schedule is open and the only thing on the table for me is to be with him and it did not matter when we left.  I could see the joy in his face.  He will be able to enjoy the game after the ceremony.  I was left wondering where will we watch the game.  My guess is someplace not too far from the location of the school so he does not miss too much of it.  Either way is fine with me.  I officially begin having the one role of being only a wife on Sunday afternoon somewhere between 1:00 & 1:30 PM. Today I honored my husband with flexibility.  It is the least I could do given he has been on somewhat of a hold for 2 1/2 years while I went through the program.

I am just excited and looking forward to the opportunity to read what I want, clean my house, help Bryan get some things in order, enjoy a few TV shows and watching football.  I actually enjoy the game myself.  I will also be learning what it means to have the one role of being a wife.  Remember to stay tuned for the impending survey.

Wives of the world how can you or do you honor your husband with flexibility?  What can you do to honor your husband with flexibility today?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend." Bruce Lee

Day 268 Honoring My Husband With A Reframe

Laundry the labor of love. 
Cleaning Clothes, Clean Soul.

This evening I had the opportunity to have dinner with some fellow classmates after studying.  Two of  them are engaged to be married.  I shared with them my intent to conduct a survey of wives about what it means to be a wife.  I laughed when they both said that so far it means doing a lot of laundry.  They are both cohabiting with their fiance's.

When Bryan and I first got married and did what newly married couples do, discuss distribution of responsibilities.  He landed with the laundry and held that responsibility for several years.  He washed and I folded and put away.  Then something happened,  I'm still not sure what, but I am now the one that does laundry which is a chore I have never really liked to do.  People often say you are not the one actually doing the laundry, the washing machine does that.  My response has been, "When the washing machine is able to separate the clothes, put them in the wash, add detergent, fabric softener and then place them in the dryer, then you can say it does the laundry, until then someone in the house better handle these tasks otherwise someone is going to run out of clean underwear and/or socks."

However today one of my classmates gave me a nice reframe of doing laundry.  I shared that it was not one of my favorite tasks and she stated, I think of it as one of the ways I take care of him.  I thought Wow!, that is an awesome reframe.  I truly had not ever thought about it that way.  To me it was a task that needed to be done and someone had to do it whether it was me or him.  Today I am honoring my husband with a reframe of the task of doing laundry.

My friends comment reminded me of when the Lord says that we are to do everything to his glory.  Although I did not handle the task in a negative way, I know it was not something I did or do to the glory of God.  Tomorrow laundry will take on an entirely different life for me.  Thanks Jacqui for this lesson.

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband with a reframe?  Is there something that you do

not care to do but if you reframed it as a way of demonstrating care and love it would change your perspective?  Or if you did it to the glory of God it would make the task a true labor of love?  How can you honor your husband with a reframe today?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"The activity of reframing something perceived as negative into something positive

brings more happiness into your life." RAS


                                                                                                                                   

Day 267 Honoring My Husband With A Countdown

Five days and counting.

It is getting close to the time when I will be totally done with school.  As I walk around my house and look at all the projects I want to complete and my list of to do's to help my husband get his business more organized I decided I am close enough to begin the countdown.

I decided last month that I would join a fellow blogger my doing 30 days of thanks for November.  I have been keeping note in my journal and today I am thankful for the blessing of nearing the end of my program.  It has been a blessing and it has been a sacrifice for both me and Bryan. Today I am honoring him with a countdown.  As of today I have 5 more days to go.  We both are crazy excited. 

I decided to take the month of December off and to serve in the capacity of a wife.  You might be thinking you are already a wife and you are correct.  However in our 12 + years of marriage, I have always had several other responsibilities like work, school etc.  However once I complete school this weekend, my schedule is wide open with the exception of church.  I decided instead of seeking another client that I would see what it really feels like to dedicated my time to being a wife.  To help me in this journey, I have also decided to develop a survey to solicit input on what all of you think it means to be a wife, so stay tuned for the survey it will be coming out early next week.

Today I am honoring my husband with a countdown; a countdown to the completion of my program and to really being a wife full time.  I am excited about what I will learn and a little nervous about what he will expect, but I'm ready.

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband's with a countdown? Is there something you or him is looking forward to that you can begin to get excited about and build the moment by incorporating a daily countdown process?  How can you honor your husband with a countdown today?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Patience is the ability to countdown before you blast off."  Author Unknown

Day 266 Honoring My Husband's Insight

His desire to counsel is a
demonstration of love.

On day 207 I shared the concept of C.H.A.I.R.S. from the book "Love & Respect"  by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.  The I stands for Insight and is for us to appreciate our husband's desire to analyze and counsel.  Today I am honoring that desire, his Insight. 

Bryan taught high school and middle school for several years.  I have always been impressed with his way of helping someone to grasp and remember a concept.  I have always been challenged to remember names and dates.  I will need to conquer this challenge for my impending exam.  Today I asked Bryan to help me in this area because he is so good at it.  I was actually surprised at his ability to easily come up with a metaphor, historical event, analogy and cross reference of the information I need to retain.  In the midst of him helping me with this arduous task he began to analyze my process and counsel me on one he thought would be more effective.  My initial response was, "Honey, I learn different than you." And then I remembered he was in his desire to insight mode, so I immediately asked him to repeat his suggestion and told him I would try it. 

It was amazing to me how I could immediately see the difference in his face.  Today I honored my husband's insight and was amazingly blessed in the process.  Not only was he proud of the opportunity to help me.  I am truly grateful for his wisdom and insight.  Within an hour I was able to recall twice as much information then before we started.  I just love how God gives our mates skills and abilities we lack to help us be better at what we need to do.

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband's desire to insight?  How do you handle it when he offers counsel and analyze situations?  Are you open to his wisdom or do you shrug it off?  Next time, try listening with your heart to see if you hear something different than you have before. The book offers a few things we can do to appreciate this desire of our husbands.

1.  Don't complain that he is trying to fix you, it is natural for him to analyze all things.
2.  Thank him for his advice without acting insulted or like he doesn't care about your feelings.
3.  You recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

 How can you honor your husband's insight today?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Don't be wise in your own eyes." Proverbs 3:7

Day 265 Honoring My Husband With A Reprieve



Time, like distance helps the heart grow fonder.

 Bryan has been working late the past couple of weeks which has afforded me the opportunity to focus on studying.  However on Saturday he found his calendar open in the afternoon.  He called me wanting to attend an event with all the men in his family that he had forgotten about, but he had committed to spending the evening with me.  I could hear the guilt in his voice.

I also found myself needing to continue reviewing my work for school and was also feeling guilty for wanting to ask him for a reprieve to continue working through it.   I shared with him that I was perfectly okay with him enjoying his uncles who he hardly ever spends time with and I shared my dilemma as well.  Today I honored my husband with a reprieve which turned out to be a win, win for us both.  We both acknowledged we cannot wait until we go on vacation because we know there will be no distractions and we will be able to simply enjoy each other's company.

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband with a reprieve?  Is there something he needs to do but feels torn between that and a family commitment?  Sometimes a reprieve increases the desire for togetherness.  Although Bryan and I proceeded to do what we felt we needed to do we shared how much we were both looking forward to spending time together and missed each other during that time.  There truly are times when distance really does makes the heart grow fonder and it doesn't have to be across the miles, it could simply be across time. How can you honor your husband with a reprieve on today?
Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Consciousness is our only reprieve from time" Mason Cooley

Day 264 Honoring My Husband With Resonance

The lasting joy of lemonade.

As I am preparing for my comprehensive exam I was reminded of a leadership characteristic that relates  to creating an environment.  The concept is about primal leadership and how some leaders have the quality to bring out the best in others.  Today I am honoring my husband with this quality of resonance. 
The concept of resonance is about using yourself as the tool to create the environment you want and bring out the best in people.  Resonance comes from the Latin word, resonare which means to resound.  It is when you are attuned to other people's feelings and move them in a positive emotional direction.

It reminds me of a story I heard on the Oprah show when Toni Morrison said she learned a very valuable lesson from her son.  He had created this drawing and presented it to her while she was working.  Her son threw away his drawing and she later learned it was because she had not smiled or acknowledged him when he presented to her.  She then proposed the question, "Does your face light up when your loved one's walk in the room?" 

This means we have some power to change the energy in the room and create the environment we would like by simply engaging the concept of resonance.  Today I honored my husband with resonance.  When our loved ones see us or approach us, they do not pay attention to what we say nor do, they pay attention to our behavior.  What does your behavior communicate to your spouse?

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband's with resonance?  I once heard a female Pastor tell a story about how she learned how to get the attention she wanted from her husband.  She had been married for several years and they had a five year old daughter.  She noticed how her husband embraced and displayed behaviors and emotions of joy every time he saw her so she began to watch how her daughter interacted with her husband.

When the daughter heard her husband at the door, she immediately ran to the door to greet him.  Once he released her embrace she would ask, daddy would you like something to drink.  She would ask daddy can I take your shoes and get your slippers and asked daddy what was exciting about your day today.  She proceeded to tell him what her mom was cooking for dinner and asked  him if it was something he liked and if it was not she would help mommy prepare something different.  The daughter did not tell her father anything about her day until she heard about his or unless he stated, I want to know what you did today.  The mother also noticed on the weekends when her husband was cutting grass her daughter would ask for a large glass of lemonade and proceed to take it outside to her father.  After he cut the grass she, the daughter would engage him in a conversation about his grass cutting experience. 

This Pastor stated, to her amazement her daughter was teaching her how to show love to her husband in a way that was pleasing to him.  She then stated she changed her behavior and on Saturday's while he would be cutting grass she would take him a glass of lemonade and she began to meet her husband at the door with her daughter when he came home.  She said as she began to make these changes she noticed a marketable difference in her relationship with her husband.  Her daughter taught her a great lesson; she taught her the power of resonance.  

How can you honor your husband with resonance today?  Please share your stories with us we would love to hear and learn from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"I love to play in the different keys, like keys that most people don't play in, because they have a better resonance." Marian McPartland, the jazz pianist

Day 263 Honoring My Husband's Relationships

Good relationships ensures your
back is covered.

Because of Bryan's business he often has to go to rent court.  I mentioned a while back how I was so   impressed with how we were able to go into the courtroom and be out in very little time. Well today I had to stand in for him.  He introduced me to the major players a while ago, however I learned today how there really is no substitution for powerful relationships.  Today I honored my husband's relationships by recognizing the power they hold.

To my surprise when I arrived in the courtroom the clerk was not the person he had introduced me to and there was a different judge.  So unlike Bryan I spent almost two hours waiting for the case to be called.  I later realized that he had a relationship with this person as well, but because they did not see his face in the courtroom they thought the cases were dismissed.  I could see the surprise on the face of both the judge and the clerk when I rose as they called the case.  The judge asked me who I was, just as the last time the judge looked at Bryan as to say, "Who is she?" and without having to be asked, Bryan stated this is my wife Rochelle. 

As I reflect upon the prior experience and my experience today, I cannot help but honor the relationships my husband has built in his business network and the value that comes with them.  I recognized that although he may introduce me to everyone in his network, I have yet to earn their trust and respect and will probably never carry the clout that he does until I personally develop those relationships myself.   Today I am honoring my husband's relationships because I recognize the intellectual, relational, emotional and physical energy it must have taken to create such a powerful network.  I can only hope that as I grow my business I am able to create the same type of invaluable support system.  I again realized the brilliance of my husband's business acumen.  Building good relationships ensures you have a good support system and a good support system is comfort in knowing someone has your back.   This reminds me of the verizon commercial where the person is standing up front and hundreds of people are standing in the background demonstrating they are their for support. 

Wives of the world in what ways do you or can you honor your husband's relationships?  Does he have relationships that allow him to experience benefits that you are not as privy to because you have not invested the same emotional capital to take advantage of the benefits?  How can you honor your husband's relationships in a way that honors his accomplishments as it relates to building a successful support system?  What can you do to honor his relationships today?

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Relationships are the thread that binds success." RAS

Dat 262 Honoring My Husband With Incarnation

Today I honored my husband by being an example for him and to him about living a life with incarnation as my model. Incarnation means living and walking like Jesus.  This year's theme for my church is ministering like Jesus and living a life of incarnation is doing just that. 

Day 261 Honoring My Husband's Patience

If someone would have told me a while ago that I would one day honor my husband's patience, I would have gotten a good laugh out of it.  Bryan has said well at least God has given one of us patience.  However when I think about how he has supported me over the past two and half years with my schooling, the one word that comes to mind is patience, especially this week.  Today I am honoring my husband's patience.

My school program is and has been very intense, at times requiring an extensive amount of time.  This has meant that he has gone for days without me cooking dinner, the house not always being in order, clothes not being washed and my lack of ability to help him with his business.  On yesterday he said to me, "Honey, I know you are studying for your comp exam, so please don't worry about dinner and do what you need to do to finish school."  I was not surprised by his comment, however I was very appreciative of it. 

I also realized how patient he has been over the years.  When I am getting dressed for us to go out, I am pretty slow and he will simply sit and watch TV until I am ready.  He does this when we are going pretty much anywhere and typically does not tell me to hurry up, he just waits.  I never thought about this as being patient because when it comes to him dealing with the outside world or things with his business he has very little patience.   I am quite pleased that I recognize and can honor the patience he displays towards me when it comes to these things.  Today I am honoring and appreciating my husband's patience because he deserves to be recognized for his efforts in this arena.

Wives of the world how can or do you honor your husband's patience?  Is he or you the more patient one in your relationship?  If it is you, in what ways does your husband display patience that you can honor?  Is he patient with the children, with your schedule, with others, in whatever way he demonstrates patience it is evidence the skill and ability is there and worthy of recognition.  When we recognize someone for the good in something they believe to be a challenge for them, it gives them the incentive to continue working on improving in that area.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Patience is a virtue worth honoring, no matter the amount.  It's the effort that matters." RAS

Day 260 Honoring My Husband With An Appeal

Dear Lord,

Help me to spread your fragrance wherever I go. Flood my soul with your spirit and life.

Penetrate and possess my whole being so utterly that my life may only be a radiance of yours.

Shine through me, and be so in me that every soul I come in contact with may feel your presence in my soul.

Let them look up and see no longer me, but only you, O Lord!

Stay with me, then I shall begin to shine as you do; so to shine as to be a light to others.

The light, O Lord, will be all from you; none of it will be mine; it will be you shining on others through me.

Let me thus praise you in the way you love best, by shining on those around me.

Let me preach you without preaching, not by words but by my example, by the catching force, the sympathetic influence of what I do, the evident fullness of the love my heart bears to you.  

Amen  

    

Blessings,

Rochelle

“But if I were you, I would appeal to God; I would lay my cause before him." Job 5:8
                                       

Day 259 Honoring My Husband's Goodness



Goodness!

 Today was a good day where Bryan and I honored each other's idea of romance.  He spent the day with  me at church and I spent the evening with him watching football.  It was a great win/win and I found Shaunti's findings to be very true.  Men love it when we share in their joys. 

As I was on my way to church this morning I heard Max Lucado speaking about marriage.  One of the things he shared that I find to be so true is that after being married for a while we often tend to look at what's missing in our mate instead of looking at what they bring to the table.  Especially in the heat of  a disagreement.  It reminded me of a quote I love by Julia Roberts in the movie Pretty Woman, she stated to Richard Gere, "The bad stuff is easier to remember."  Lucado talked about how couples will come to him for counseling and all they talk about is what the other is doing wrong. He then shared he asks each of them to share their reasons for getting married. 

Lucado recommended keeping the good of our mates in our forefront by writing down five reasons we married them every day.  I believe my blog journey has been all about looking at the good and not the bad in my husband and marriage.  So  I like the idea of the exercise.  Today I am honoring my husband's goodness by acknowledging the good and keeping that in the forefront instead of the things I sometimes wish he'd lose or change. 

The message from Lucado was topped off by the message in church today.  My pastor talked about the importance of  praying for others more than we pray for ourselves which I would like to think I do.  However when I prayed about these two messages the Lord gave me great insight and an assignment. It is to merge the two together.  I pray for Bryan every day, but my assignment is to  every day write down at least three things of goodness about my husband and praying for him in those areas.

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband's goodness?  Often times we are told to focus on building up our weaknesses, however research shows that we improve by leveraging and growing our strengths and simply be aware of  and work on our weaknesses.  I believe by acknowledging and praying for and about my husband's goodness andstrengths the Lord will continue to make him stronger in those areas which I believe will dim the light on his weaknesses; which was Lucado's message.  How can you honor your husband's goodness today?

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Honoring the goodness in someone is seeing them through your heart." RAS

Day 258 Honoring My Husband With Romance

His reframe of romance, having fun.

On day 155 I shared the seven rrevelations to expressing love to our husbands based on the book by Shaunti  Feldhahn.  Today I am honoring my husband with revelation number six which reads:

"Men are unromantic clods" - Actually, most men enjoy romance (sometimes in different ways) and want to be romantic -- but hesitate because they doubt they can succeed.

The author shares that most men feel they are secret romantics who do not experience as much intimacy in their marriage as they would like. And our men long for connection, togetherness, and fun, intimate time with us!  My experience with Bryan is that this is very true.  I have always called him a closet romantic.  Two of his favorite movies are When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless in Seattle.  The author found that 84% of the men she polled said they desire romance.  So what's the problem you might ask, why don't they just do it if they seek it so much.

They have internal hesitations that keep them from being romantic on a more regular bases.
1.  They feel they will not do a very good job.
2.  They are haunted by romantic failures.  If we have teased them for prior failures it may be years before they try again.
3.  They feel it is difficult to change gears.  When they come home they need time to decompress.

The men also noted that they have different definitions of romance, their reframes are:

A. Playing together is very romantic.  They want to do guy things with their wife. They want us to be their playmates.  The men stated, the woman who is having fun with her husband is very attractive.

B.  Romance without sex may not feel complete.  It is hard for men to delineate romance without sex.  If men are romantic, they want sex.  They say if romance is about feeling emotionally connected, sex is their way to do that.

Men feel that romance is a way for them to escape.  Who would have thought, I know I did not.  Today I am honoring my husband with romance by being his playmate.  Tomorrow I will be continuing by watching his favorite sport, football all day with him.  My only wonder is, do men consider it play and romantic when we watch football with them.  I intend to find out, in the meantime, I will honor my husband with romance according to his definition.

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband with romance?  What does he love to do that you can join in with him as his playmate?  The men also shared what they would like for us to do to help them be more romantic, it was to encourage them, entice him and make him your number one.  How can you honor your husband with romance today?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"I just want our love to bring out the best in me and in you, that's what romance is meant to do." RAS

Day 257 Honoring My Husband's Memory

It never ceases to amaze me how Bryan has the tendency to remember just about everything he needs to  accomplish in a day without writing a single thing down.  He has close to 70 properties and you can ask him on any given day who owes him what and he can tell you.  I so admire this ability because I have to write everything down.  Today I am honoring my husband's memory.

What is also so amazing to me is that although I do not remember the details of every tenant that owes us financially, I do remember certain events or I remember where I place things, and he often loses his keys.   I realized this is another way the Lord has blessed our union by having us compliment each other in this way.  Today I am honoring my husband's memory because it is worthy to be honored. 

Wives of the world in what ways can you honor your husband's memory or some ability he has that you do not?  How does his skill help compliment yours so you make the perfect union.  When Bryan and I were engaged, a gentleman told us to make sure we leverage our abilities in our relationship because that is the only way we will support each other.  Often times we may compare our abilities and question why our mate is not capable of doing what we can do.  Well it is because they are not us and we are not them and the Lord placed us in each other lives to lean on each other for support in our personal deficiencies.  I guess that is why the vows say "And the two shall become one."   So together we have the whole package.  How can you honor your husband's abilities today?

Blessings,

Rochelle

"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31

Day 255 Honoring My Husband With Inquisition

I had to take a trip to Washington, DC today and I decided to take the train because I did not want to   deal with rush hour traffic.  While I was in the station, I saw a magazine and on the front cover it asked, “Why Do We Get Married?”  These days anything that have the words marriage I stop and read.  I tried to purchase the magazine but it was an old issue and no longer on the stands.  I was very curious about their answer but unfortunately will not get the chance to find out.  So of course I began to ponder this question. 

Not too long ago Tyler Perry produced two block buster movies titled almost the same, “Why Did I Get Married?”  And “Why Did I Get Married Too?”  They were both great movies but I do not recall the question ever getting answered.  Now that I am reflecting on the movie, I believe the question was more rhetoric than anything and intended for the audience to answer for ourselves. 

When I think about why I got married, the first thing that comes to mind is of course because I loved my husband and wanted to spend the rest of my life experiencing this world with him; also because I wanted a family, someone to grow old with and have stories to tell and memories to reminisce upon in my later years.  It is also the Lord's request, "For it is better to marry than to burn with passion,"  1st Corin. 7:9.

This cover had me wondering, why someone would even pose the question, why do we get married and then I realized, what my husband always says to me, everybody is not me and everyone does not have good intentions.  Some people do marry for the wrong reasons, some marry because it is required of their culture, others are forced into it and some just flat out chose to exercise their passion without being married.  Today I am honoring my husband with inquisition.  Inquisition about why we got married to ensure we are fulfilling our commitments to each other and to our God.  It was quite a nice exercise.

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband with inquisition?  Why did you get married?  Someone once asked me would I do it all over again and I said of course I would.  I chose not to ask them the same question because I know projection when I see it or when someone wants you to validate their story.  My pastor once said, if it is not your truth do not claim it because it may very well become your truth for claiming and speaking it.  In other words, when your girlfriends are complaining about their marriages and you join in just for the heck of it, not only are you not honoring your marriage, you are also not honoring the blessing God has bestowed upon you.  How can you honor your husband today with inquisition?

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Why we get married has to be much greater than just because." RAS

Day 254 Honoring My Husband Because

Today is one of those days when I am honoring my husband because God says that is what I am  supposed to do.  Sometimes God gives us trials and tribulations to see if we can stand in the face of them and hold true to his word.  Today I am holding true to his word, honoring my husband as I have been instructed in the midst of the mess.  I cannot wait to discover my lesson in building a relationship like Adam and Eve because I know it is coming.

Wives of the world how do you honor your husband's just because?  It is a true testament of will, submission and faith.  How can you honor your husband because today?

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Your greatest message, always comes from your greatest mess."  RAS