Day 156 Honoring My Husband As A Lover Wife

Stay tuned for more to come on being a lover wife.  Thank you for your patience. 

Hello wives of the world, in my quest to learn more about honoring my husband I came across another book that had some interesting tidbits.  One of them was about the concept of being a lover wife which meant to go beyond the normal duties of being a wife and taking on the role of being a romantic instead of waiting for our husband's to do such.

I found this interesting given the revelations I posted on Day 155.  There were several principles for being a lover wife but the one that caught my attention was about the house being his house too.  Bryan has always referred to our home as my house.  When we purchased it almost 10 years ago we agreed that I would be responsible for decorating the two main floors and he would do the basement.  I recently decided I want to repaint the kitchen and Bryan is not happy with my choice.  My response to him was that the kitchen is "my kitchen" and since I do all the cooking I should be able to choose the experience I would like to have while I am creating my mini masterpieces (smile). 

After reading the concept about being a "Lover Wife" I realized that I was not honoring my husband in this capacity.  The author spoke about allowing our husband's to have their space in the home, so if he wants something to be a certain way, to allow it.  If he has a space that he calls his own and we are not happy with its presence, so be it.  I thought Wow!, this is a tough one for me.  Bryan and I are opposites in this area.  I am the neat freak and he is the not so neat one.  I like things to be in their place and have learned over the years not to allow some things to bother me.  However, there are some things like clothes on the floor or papers in a place they do not belong that I have not yet settled to be okay in my spirit.  I had not considered this an area where I am not honoring my husband as an equal partner in our home. 

On this day I honored my husband by considering in what ways I can be a Lover Wife in this arena.  I also considered how do I reframe the concept of honoring my husband by sharing in the presence of our home.  This is something I never considered taking to the Lord but as I ponder on it, I know I will need to release it.  When things are too out of order, according to my standards, I feel like the visual noise is so loud I cannot concentrate.  It is hard for me to focus and to think creatively.  I am now wondering how to have balance in this area without it being too much of a challenge.

Wives of the world in what ways can you or do you honor your husband by being a "Lover Wife"?  Do you consider your house to be just that, your house?  How much say does  your husband have in the orderliness of your home?  Have you, like me, not considered that your husband needs to have an emotional attachment to your home just as we do as wives?  I had not yet today I have a totally different perspective.  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands."Alexandra Penney 

Day 155 Honoring My Husband With Revelations

When the Lord placed it upon my heart to begin this journey I pulled out all the books I had been purchasing over the years about marriage.  I have come to realize I am somewhat of a natural researcher when it is a topic of great interest.  I recently pulled out one of those books to get a reminder about its key concepts.  As the book is based on research of 800 men and it has been statistically verified.  The book is called "For Women Only" by Shaunti Fieldhahn and it is about what we as women need to know about the inner lives of our men.

What I love about the book is its simplicity.  She speaks of seven revelations that emerged from her research.  Today I am honoring my husband by acknowledging and being consciously aware of these revelations to understand how they can make a difference in our lives. They are as follows:

1.  "Men need respect" -   Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected.
2.  "Men are insecure:  - Despite their "in control" exterior, men often feel like imposter's and are insecure that their inadequacies will be discovered.

3.  "Men are providers" - Even if you personally make enough income to support the family's lifestyle, it would make no difference to the mental burden he feels to provide.

4.  "Men want more sex" - Your sexual desire for your husband profoundly affects his sense of well being and confidence in all areas of his life.

5.  "Men are visual" - Even happily married men struggle with being pulled toward live and recollected images of other women.

6.  "Men are unromantic clods" - Actually, most men enjoy romance (sometimes in different ways) and want to be romantic -- but hesitate because they doubt they can succeed.

7.  "Men care about appearance" - You don't need to be a size 3, but your man does need to see you making the effort to take of yourself-and he will take on significant cost or inconvenience in order to support you.

As I read through these revelations my first thought was well I pretty much already know most of  this, however was not necessarily aware of how they all play out in action.  I also love the idea that the author states the book is for women and can help us help ourselves instead of trying to change our mates.  "The more we understand the men in our lives, the better we can support and love them in the way they need to be loved."  So basically, the revelations are to change and improve us. 

Today I am honoring my husband with these seven revelations and the key concepts behind each one of them.  Join me as I dissect each one of them over the course of the next few weeks and share my insights with you. 

Wives of the worlds in what way can you honor your husband's with these seven revelations?  As you review each one of them, which one would make a significant difference in your relationship?  How cab you honor your husband with these revelations beginning today?  Please share your stories with us; as we would love to learn from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

 "Revelations are like breaths of fresh air on a summer day.  They allow us to see and experience our presence with enlightened senses."

Day 154 Honoring My Husband With Theory

As many of you may have realized by now, I am in school.  I am in the process of completing my Masters degree in organization development and praise God I have one more class and four more months remaining.  The foundation to the program is behavioral theory in several different areas, group, organization, leadership, psychology, and individual behavior.  I truly love learning about how people think, work and why we do the things we do.  It is and has been fascinating to me.  It has also helped me in my marriage in many ways.

Today I honored my husband by using theory.  Today Bryan asked me a question and I did not know the answer and told him I would give him the answer if he waited a few moments.  He decided he did not want to wait and decided to call me back.  When he tried to call me back I did not pick up the phone because I had gone into a store and left my phone in the car so it could charge.  To  make a long story short he got pretty frustrated and when we finally did connect he was pretty upset.  As I listened to him I wanted to explain what transpired however theory has taught me you cannot rationalize with someone who is filled with emotions which at the time Bryan was.  He had misconstrued my intent and what happened which drove him to frustration.  Theory also helped me understand how he got there.

Because I was able to apply theory to the situation it allowed me to "not" respond in an emotional manner but to simply listen.  The theory that helped is called rational emotive theory or RET and the aspect I was able to apply is simply you cannot rationalize with someone when they are filled with emotion because they cannot hear you no matter how hard you may try.  It is scientifically proven to be impossible because emotions has taken the place of logic and without logic one cannot understand. So today I honored my husband by using theory to understand where he was and what I needed to do to manage the situation, just listen.

Wives of the world in what ways can you honor your husband's using this theory?  How can it help you manager a situation with you or your husband?  The next time you are in a situation with your husband where his emotions are running high, remember RET and this may help you better understand how to handle the situation instead of getting upset and there being two overly emotional people.  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from  you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"There is nothing like a good theory" Kurt Lewin

Day 153 Honoring My Husband With Communications

This weekend I was away at school and it was another great weekend filled with learning.  By the end of the day on Sunday I am typically pretty tired but excited about spending the evening with Bryan.  We got out a little early so I headed straight back home.  To my surprise he had decided to attend a reggae concert with a friend.  I was quite disappointed but then thought I could get some rest until he return but it turned out I could  not rest because I did not have the keys I needed,

I was somewhat disappointed but then I realized Bryan had no way of knowing my intentions.  I usually return much later in the afternoon on the weekends I am at school and I had not communicated to him the intent to leave early.  The great lesson for me was to ensure I get the information to him in a timely manner so he can make whatever adjustments necessary. 

Today I am honoring my husband with the commitment of early communications.  It would have been so easy for me to get upset with him for not being around when I got out of school but that would have been a waste of energy and time as he had no idea of my change in schedule.  He also had no idea of how I wanted to spend the afternoon so I am honoring him by committing to early communications so we are both clear on intent and expectations.

Wives of the world in what way can you or do you honor your husband's with communications?  How often do you have misunderstandings because of the lack of communications or miscommunicated expectations?  We sometimes believe our spouse should know what we expect or intend just because it is what we may want or need.  Our husband's are not in our heads; they have absolutely no way to know our intent or expectations if we have not shared them.  How can you honor your husband today with clarity of communications to avoid you and him future disappointment?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Communication is important; it links the hearts of two, together, making them understand what each other means." Source Unknown

Day 152 Honoring My Husband By Checking In

One of the things I was most challenged by when Bryan and I first got married, was the concept of now having to check in or be accountable to someone.  I was well into my 30's when we got married, so of course I was pretty much set in my ways.  I did not like nor did I honor the concept of checking in with my spouse.  To me the idea felt more like control than caring, then one day a light bulb went off.

Although I had not mastered the concept of checking in Bryan got this part pretty easily.  He used to call me whenever he thought he was going to be running extra late or if something came up.  Then one day he did not and I could not reach him.  It was so much out of his norm that I began to worry about what happened.  When he arrived home I learned he  had an issue that came up with his property and because he was out later than normal his phone charge had died.  I realized at that moment how I had been on a regular basis putting him through that very same type of worrying when I decided to hang out at the mall or someplace else and would not call or my phone did not have service.  It taught me a very valuable lesson.  As a result I changed my behavior and began to accept the idea of checking in.

Today I honored my husband by checking in.  I decided to hang out with some classmates at the National Harbor and knew I would be getting in later than normal.   I also knew I did not want Bryan to be concerned about my safety so late in the evening.

Wives of the world in what ways do you or can you honor your husband's by checking in.  Have you accepted the concept of being accountable to each other and use it as a way to support your love towards each other or do you find it challenging to allow for such a space in your relationship.    I have found that checking in is just another way of communicating I love you and I respect you and do not want to add unnecessary stress into your day.   In  what way can you honor your husband by checking in today?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Consider others first."

Day 151 Honoring My Husband With A Declaration

I think I have come up against the wall or challenge that happens when we take on any activity that requires a high degree of commitment, follow through and sustainable.  For whatever reason this month has been that for me.  It started with the technical difficulties but has continued with the ongoing challenge of being able to complete my post in a timely manner. 

Each and every day the Lord speaks to me about how I need to be honoring my husband and building on what he has already given me; yet the month of July has presented the challenge of getting what's in my head and heart in my post within the committed time frame.  Today I am honoring my husband with a declaration because I believe in the power of speaking what we want to be in reality.  I am declaring that the devil will not continue to be a road block for the remainder of this month.  I am declaring that as the Lord speaks to my heart the universe will open the gates of heaven to make space, time and opportunity to continue this awesome assignment in a timely manner.  I am declaring that I know the Lord has an incredibly blessing because any time the devil tries to steal our joy or get in the way; if we forge forward a testimony is at the end of the struggle. 

Today I am honoring my husband with a declaration of victory through this challenge because I believe someone is learning, growing and having a great impact on their marriage because of how the Lord has chosen to use me.  So stay tuned for how I believe God will take this process to a whole other level and may you continue to be blessed in a way that is most impactful for you.

Wives of the world in what ways can you or do you honor your husband with a declaration?  What do you do to get beyond the roadblocks of life when the devil tries to get in the way of an assignment the Lord has given you?  How do you hold on to the commitment so what the Lord is building does not fall ?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear and learn from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Hear diligently my speech, and my declaration with your ears." Job 13:17

Day 150 Honoring My Husband With A Session

It has been interesting to me how Bryan and I have allowed our sex life to be on the back burner the past couple of weeks.  Since the arrival of Maria we have been crazy busy and have neglected each other in that way.  It seems life has just been getting in the way.  Today I was to leave to head to D.C. for school.  As I prepared to leave it dawned on me that I had the power to change this dynamic so I made the decision not to go to DC until the next day.  Today I would be honoring my husband with a session.

I have a friend who calls it a "session" whenever her and her husband are pleasing each other in the way the Lord intended.  Today it was my pleasure to honor my husband in this manner.  What was interesting to me is that Bryan mentioned he wondered if I would leave for the weekend without handling my wifely duties.  He had no intention to mention to me how he felt about it yet he had it in the back of his mind.  I am so glad we were on the same page.  I had a very good friend that specializes in marital counseling once say to me when I used to travel a lot that I needed to make sure I loved my husband up before and after my trip no matter what because he needed to know he was first and foremost in my life.  Today I honored my husband with a session.  In honoring him with a session I was also honoring my self.

Wives of the world in what ways do you or can you honor your husband with a session to ensure he does not get the crazies when there has been too much time between sessions?  Do you pay attention to the lapse in time or do you leave it up to your  husband to ensure you are having sessions in a timely manner?  I was surprised when Bryan mentioned to me that we had gone almost 10 days, I think that is a record for us since being married except when I have been out of town.  In what ways can you make the necessary changes to honor your husband tonight with a session?  He would absolutely love your initiative.  Please share your stories or any great secrets with  us; as we would love to learn from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is more delightful than wine." Song of Sol. 1:2

Day 149 Honoring My Husband By Rejuvenating

Rejuvenation frees the mind and spirit.

The past couple of weeks have been quite challenging for me.  I love having our exchange student with us for the month, she brings such joy.  However I did forget about the time commitment that comes with the visit.  Fortunately she is 16 and self sufficient yet I still feel very compelled to make sure her visit is enjoyable and meets the intended expectation.  This meant adding on additional responsibilities for both me and Bryan and it felt non-stop this past couple of weeks.

Today I am honoring my husband by rejuvenating.  I always know when he is feeling the time we are spending together is not enough for him.  On the heals of our weekend I had two classes to teach, one on Tuesday and one tonight.  I came home and crashed.  I was so tired I fell asleep at the table.  Fortunately I was able to get a great nights sleep to fully rejuvenate and spend some good quality time with Bryan.

Wives of the world in what way do you or can you honor your husband by rejuvenating?  Rejuvenation allows us to be the attentive, fully present wives we need to be.  I'm looking forward to the blessing rejuvenation brings.  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures.  He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul." Psalm 23:1-3

Day 148 Honoring My Husband by Going With the Flow

Wow! I cannot believe yesterday came and went and I had not posted what the Lord laid upon my heart.  Yesterday was a day of simply making things happen. I honored my husband by going with the flow of things.  We arrived home from our short trip and got right back into the norm of the day. 

Wives of the world how do you or can you honor your husband's by simply going with the flow.  I am typically an easy going person so going with the flow is more the norm for me than not, however I have noticed that as I get closer to 50 and menopause kicks in my going with the flow nature is not as frequent as it used to be.  I remember watching the Oprah show when they talked about what happens when a woman turns 50, it's like all of sudden the world looks different and things that did not matter does and things that used to matter doesn't.  I say that to say that I am hoping what I learned in the 24 hours of honoring my husband by going with the flow will continue for the next few years until I turn 50. 

Are you a woman over or close to 50 spending the year honoring your husband, please share your lessons with us we would love to learn from you.  All wives of the world, please share your stories; we would love to hear from you as well.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Spending a day going with the flow allows us to enjoy the presence of the current moment."

Day 147 Honoring My Husband With Laughter



Laughter the gateway to the soul!

 Today I honored my husband with laughter.  We had planned to return home early today from our mini  vacation, but everyone was having such a good time we decided to extend our stay another evening.  As it seems to be the case lately, I had two projects that needed to be completed so I was up late into the evening and spent a good portion of the morning working on it while Bryan, Jelissa and Maria enjoyed the beach and boardwalk.

This evening we took a trip over to Ocean City, New Jersey to enjoy the boardwalk and had a great time.  I could not believe how much time we spent just laughing.  Bryan is quite the comedian so he was the source of most of our laughter and we had a great time laughing at the events of the evening.

Today I honored my husband with laughter because it is such a healthy dose of  healing for the soul. I came across a great article by Frank Pasquet that talked about the Joy of Laughter.  He lists the following benefits of laughter:

1. Laughter's effect on your body - Laughter literally helps your body heal.
2. Laughter and the mind -  Happy thoughts leads to a more positive outlook on life.
3. Strengthening your inner being - Laughter causes your inner being to be emotionally and physically  
strengthened,
4. Boosting your spirits - Laughter causes a lift in your spirit.

I especially enjoyed reading the one directly related to relationships, it stated the following:

5. Laughter and Your Relationships

When two people share a funny story or a silly situation arises between two people, there’s a unique bonding that is created. Something special is formed between the two that only they can relate with. It’s an inside joke that is special to those who’ve shared in the moment.

When two people spend a lot of time together in laughter, a stronger, more ever-lasting relationship develops.


In a marriage, studies show couples that laugh together stay together much longer, if not for life. Think about a truly happy couple you know. Sure, every family has their issues and marriage takes work, but chances are they spend a lot of time laughing together. This doesn’t happen by accident either. It can be created and fostered!  When you choose to embrace laughter, you’ll be able to get through many more rough spots in life and come out a happier and healthier person.


Life can be tough, so why not choose to make it more joyous? You can if you choose to.
Always try to find joy in every situation and laugh as often as possible each and every day. Also, by spending more time around positive people, who love life and love to laugh, you’ll be amazed at how you begin to feel on the inside and out!

Wives of the world in what ways can you or have you honored your husband's with laughter?  A while back I had to have abdominal surgery.  After the surgery the doctor told my family to make me laugh as much as possible because it would help heal and strengthen my abdominal muscles much quicker.  I can recall them coming in and telling all kinds of jokes to keep me laughing.  It was quite painful yet I knew it was for my benefit so I endured it. 

I am a true testament of how laughter can help heal the body and lift the spirit, as my surgery was due an ectopic pregnancy which was quite disappointing and emotionally painful.  The laughter helped me to not only heal physically but also to heal emotionally.  Be of cheer to your husband today and be intentional about honoring him with laughter.  It could be the one thing he needs to lift his spirits and heal his soul for the day. Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live."

"The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter."

Authors unknown

Day 146 Honoring My Husband With Enjoyment

Praise be to God! As I noted on yesterday our original plans for the weekend got hijacked and we had to determine exactly what we were going to do.  We had been very much looking forward to spending time away and we had our 16 year old exchange student and our 15 year old niece that were both looking forward to the weekend and more importantly the beach. 

I stayed up late last night searching the Internet to determine the best course of action.  I was able to find a great hotel in Ocean City, New Jersey and thought it would be the perfect location.  Bryan and I visited there last year and were quite impressed.  However in the morning Bryan said he really wanted to stay on the beach.  As God would have it we were able to find a hotel with a great rate, a great view and a great location on the beach in Atlantic City, NJ.  At the end of the day what was originally a disappointment turned into a great blessing.  We had a great time today.  It was a first visit for both my niece Jelissa and Maria our exchange student from Spain.  It was really awesome to see things through their eyes.  The blessing was because of the proximity of Atlantic City and Ocean City, NJ we are able to visit both.  God always has a better plan.

Today I honored my husband with enjoyment.  Turns out the location was better as we would not have been directly on the beach in MD and the amusement and entertainment does not compare to Atlantic City.  Today I honored my husband with enjoyment by just allowing things to unfold throughout the day and we went where the spirit led.  I love it when things work out for the better.  God truly does always know best.

Wives of the world in what way can you honor your husband with enjoyment?  In the book I am reading, Improv Wisdom, the author, Patricia Ryan Madson has a principle called don't prepare.  She states "trust your imagination; trust your mind, allow yourself to be surprised."  Today this principle was put into effect for me because I typically do have an indication about what we are going to do and today we just got in the car and said we will let the day take us where it may.  This ended up with many surprises and lots of enjoyment.  How can you honor your husband with enjoyment by just allowing the spirit to guide you wherever it may?  Please share  your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"The test of enjoyment is the remembrance which it leaves behind."

Day 145 Honoring My Husband by Being Resourceful

This weekend Bryan and I had plans to go to Ocean City, MD for the weekend.  We had both been looking forward to it and we had planned out our travel schedule and discussed some of the activities we were going to enjoy.  This morning I could hear the excitement in Bryan's voice as we discussed what to bring.  We were intended to bring along my niece and our exchange student from Spain. 

Unfortunately, Bryan received a phone call from the person who owns the house we were to be staying and apparently there was some sort of mix up with the dates on their in and the property was doubled booked so we lost out.  Talk about something that takes the wind out of your sails, we were all quite disappointed.  As soon as I got home I went into Plan B mode, searching for alternative accommodations or even possibly an alternative location. 

Today I am honoring my husband with resourcefulness by seeking to find a way to keep our plans alive with a few modifications.  I found a few possibilities for us to decide upon on tomorrow so I am sure we will be able to move forward with enjoying the water this weekend.  Bryan suggested I contact the owner of the house we were originally scheduled to stay and let her know of our disappointment in her mismanagement of the schedule however I believe all things happen for a reason and this just means the Lord has a blessing awaiting us at our final destination.

Wives of the world in what ways do you or can you honor your husband's by being resourceful?  How can you help keep his spirits high today by finding an alternative to something gone awry?  The greatest part about someone else causing your plans to change is the awareness that there are no coincidences. If something has fallen through it just means God has another door opened that has something more fitting for your needs, desires and wants than what you may have planned.  I cannot wait to see what God has in store.  Please share your stories with us; as we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Change brings opportunity." Nido Qubein

Day 144 Honoring My Husband With A Strategy

My work is all about helping organizations, specifically churches to develop strategies to be more effective.  It is truly my passion and my life's work.  In most cases I am very intentional about developing a strategic plan to accomplish what needs to happen.  Bryan and I recently had a conversation about acknowledgement and appreciation and how our love languages are different in this arena.

It caused me to ponder on how I can be more deliberate in meeting his Love Language in this regards.  Then it dawned on me, I need a strategy.  We tend to show love in the manner that we like to receive it.  Bryan and I have found this true of each other. However, often times our spouse needs something different than we do.  So today I am honoring my husband with a strategy by putting a plan in place to ensure I am showing my appreciation and acknowledgement in a way that meets his Love Language instead of mine.

Wives of the world in what ways can you honor your husband with a strategy?  Is there something that does not come naturally and a strategy would be extremely helpful in getting you to a place of habit?  It is amazing to me how something that seems so natural and appropriate to and for me is so wrong and unnatural for my husband. I guess this is why the Lord puts two opposites together so we can grow in areas beyond our comfort zone. Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Change is not a destination just as hope is not a strategy." Rudy Giuliani

Day 143 Honoring My Husband With Obedience

Praise be to God, I am back in business and able to fully share how I the Lord is leading me to honor my husband each and every day.  It has been an interested couple of days trying to post what I could from my blackberry, nonetheless I am glad to be back on the board.

Today I am honoring my husband with obedience.  I have been spending the last several weeks preparing for an upcoming session I have to facilitate at my church this coming weekend for our new ministry leaders.  One of the lessons is about limits and boundaries, something I have been quite challenged with regarding my work in ministry.  Today I am honoring my husband with obedience by taking a look at how I can better establish boundaries to ensure I am living a more balanced life.

My counterpart that is helping me with the program made an interesting observation.  He noted that we were both being chastised by our spouses for the time we are putting into the project and the impact it is having at home.  He noted how we are seemingly becoming casualties of the very lessons we are trying to teach our church leaders.  This was quite the eye opener for me.  So today I am honoring my husband by being obedient to his request and to the lessons from John Maxwell about being a good leader at home, work and in ministry.

Wives of the world in what ways are you or can you be more obedient to your husband's?  Are you challenged with staying balanced and keeping all the balls in the air while home is taking a back seat? What can you do today to be more obedient to your husband?  Please share your stories with us we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Obedience is greater than sacrifice."

Day 142 Honoring My Husband With Signage

Hello mcommitted raders, please forgive the technical difficulties. Please stay tuned and hopefully on tomorrow I will be able to post the full update. In the meantime continue to honor your husband's by being the change you want to see.
Rochelle

Day 141 Honoring My Husband

Day 140 Honoring My Husband With Independence

                 Happy Independence Day America! 

What a wonderful country we live in.  Some may say for those of us  that are African American we are celebrating independence of our country and independence for the freedom journey of our race.  With all the challenges, obstacles, legal barriers we have overcome, it is nice to see where the Lord has brought us as a race and as a country.  Today I am honoring my husband with a celebration of independence. 

We were watching a movie on yesterday and a couple was getting married.  One of the men yelled out to the groom to walk slowly because he was taking his last few steps of freedom as he and his bride were entering their new home.  I found his comment funny yet interesting.  I found his choice of words intriguing, your last steps of freedom.  I began to wonder if this is the reason why so many men and women are fearful of getting married because they see it as giving up their freedom as opposed to gaining a life partner. 

I never felt that getting married was giving up my freedom.  That sounds like marriage is more a destination of bondage Vs a place of comfort, peace, love and togetherness.  When Bryan and I first got married he used to go on trips with some of his friends and several of my friends could not understand why I was so okay with it.  I was okay with it because I trusted God, my husband and our union.  I was okay with it because I was and am free.  Our guidelines have been from the beginning to always demonstrate respect to each other and our marriage.  I did not need to ask or tell my husband what he should or should not be doing because I believed in my heart he would always do right by our commitment.  By treating each other as respectable adults we always felt a sense of freedom in our marriage which ultimately brought us closer together.

For me, freedom is what comes with being a child of God,.  Freedom is the benefit of Jesus joy.  When we love the Lord with all our heart, he frees us of bondage of ourselves and others.  I believe when we are free in our spirit our spirit allows others to be free as well.  Today I am honoring my husband with independence for the freedom we have allowed each other to enjoy in our marriage.  This does not mean we have not had our challenges however it does mean that we don't try to hold each other captive by placing boundaries that are really a reflection of a lack of trust, and when we do we can call each other on it until that person gets things settled in their heart, whatever that might look like.

Wives of the world in what ways do you or can you honor your husband with independence?  Does your husband feel that he can go and hang out with his friends one evening or is this something you have forbidden in your marriage?  Does your husband feel a sense of freedom or is your marriage a place of bondage?  If you do not know, check it out with your husband and be prepared to deal with his truth.  Please share your stories and any enlightenment with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"True independence and freedom can only exist in doing what's right."

Day 139 Honoring My Husband With Scripture



The word of God is our
confirmation of peace.

 Yesterday I was very tired so for the first time in years I was in bed by 9PM and at 5:00AM this morning my body said that's enough sleep, time to rise.  So I had a good early start this morning.  When I got up Bryan also woke up and decided to get some work done.  About an hour into the early morning he shared how frustrated and filled with anxiety he was because of an upcoming court case. 

One of his prior tenants has falsely accused him of removing her property.  Fortunately, he has the other tenants, neighbors and police documentation to the contrary.  Nonetheless he was anxious because you just never know how a judge is going to rule.  In church today my Pastor preached about anxiety.  Unfortunately Bryan decided to go to another church so I texted him to let him know that Bishop Thomas was preaching about him today.  He preached out of Phil. 4 which is all about the Lord telling us not to be anxious for anything.  Today I am honoring my husband with scripture because it is the one thing that helps bring things back into perspective.  When you know the Lord has got your back the only recourse is to lean on his word when anxiety rises.

My Pastor spoke about how whenever we have anxiety it is because that is an area we need to grow in our faith.  This really gave me reason to praise because I know the Lord is working to grow Bryan's faith and I know this will be a testimony about God's goodness in the end and how it helped Bryan go to the next layer in the mustard seed of faith.  As the word says, "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."  I just LOVE the confirmation the word of the Lord brings to light!

Wives of the world in what ways do your or can you honor your husband's with scripture?  How can you use scripture to help him get through a tough day or week?  Yesterday I spoke about standing in the gap, today I felt I was truly standing in the gap in terms of praying for my husband that the peace of the Lord would be upon him and that he would meditate upon God's promises of peace and victory in this situation.  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Phil. 4:4-9

Day 138 Honoring My Husband By Standing in the Gap

Today I had the opportunity to meet several of my husband's family members I had never met before.  The family hosted a last minute family gathering and it was a pretty nice turnout given the time frame.  Saturday is typically a work day for Bryan so he let me know about the cookout and asked if I could get there before him to bring what he committed to contributing.

Our exchange student Maria arrived today so I picked her up and headed to the cookout.  Fortunately the location was on the same driving route for me to go home from the Philadelphia Airport.  As I drove around looking for a place to purchase some drinks, I thought about the role of being a wife and honoring one's husband and it dawned on me that there are so many things a wife is called to do that is honoring of her husband.  Even if it is as simple as standing in the gap when your mate cannot be there.  The question becomes in what way do we hold this great honor.

Today I honored my husband by standing in the gap and being the face of our partnership until he was able to arrive.  As I introduced myself to several people and said hello to those familiar faces I was reminded of my post from Day 78, Honoring My Husband With Representation.  I realized that not only was I standing in the gap, but I was also a representation of him to his family.  As I reflected upon this revelation it dawned on me how pleased and honored I was to serve in this capacity.  From a Christian perspective when we speak about standing in the gap for someone we are serving in intercessory prayer warriors for them.  It also dawned upon me how grateful I am of who the Lord has made both of us to be.  Neither of us have a concern about the other standing in the gap nor representing the other.  Today I am honored to honor my husband by standing in the gap. 

Wives of the world in what ways can you or do you honor your husband's by standing in the gap?  Would he be concerned about the impact if he asked you to take his place at an event or gathering or would he be overjoyed and proud because he knows he can count on you to represent  your partnership according to God?  In what ways can you honor your husband by standing in the gap this month?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

“I looked for someone among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap.."

Ezekiel 22:30

Day 137 Honoring My Husband By Reading Between the Lines

When we listen for the words in
between the lines we hear the real
 heart of the story.

Today for some reason I felt like it was Saturday.  I overslept and missed a meeting, fortunately it was not critical but it is so unlike me.  As I prepared for the day my phone was ringing nonstop and for a minute I was so perplexed because I just could not understand why I was getting so many calls on a Saturday.  But then reality set in or I guess I truly woke up and realized today is Friday, and then it all came together.  Once that revelation set in I had to get busy with the order of the day, making the necessary calls, meetings, running errands etc.

While taking care of the business of the day Bryan calls me and begins to tell me why he is frustrated with me.  As I listened, initially I was a little confused and then it hit me.  The story being told is typically not the story that  needs to be told.  So today I am honoring  my husband by reading between the lines.  Since last week we have been going and going, I had a ton of school work, business work and home work with all the activities and he has been busy with getting things in order with his business.  Ironically yesterday I wrote about "just showing up" today I absolutely have to show up because I could hear the real message my husband was sharing when I listened for the 'gold", read between the lines and heard the heart of the message being delivered.  Today I am honoring my husband by reading between the lines and hearing what his heart is really saying.  He misses his wife and I need to show back up.

Wives of the world how can  you or do you honor your husband's by reading between the lines?  Are you able to hear your husband's heart when he speaks, even if it feels like he is coming down on you or do you ignore the message because of  the delivery?  I once heard a relationship specialist share that when a man shares something about what he does or does not like, listen, because those are his emotions.  He may never use the word feelings or emotions but if you listen to the message behind the words what you will find are emotions and feelings coming from his heart.  What message is your husband telling you about his heart when you read between the lines?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Reading is a means of thinking with another person's mind; it forces you to stretch your own." 

 Charles Scribner