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| His reframe of romance, having fun. |
"Men are unromantic clods" - Actually, most men enjoy romance (sometimes in different ways) and want to be romantic -- but hesitate because they doubt they can succeed.
The author shares that most men feel they are secret romantics who do not experience as much intimacy in their marriage as they would like. And our men long for connection, togetherness, and fun, intimate time with us! My experience with Bryan is that this is very true. I have always called him a closet romantic. Two of his favorite movies are When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless in Seattle. The author found that 84% of the men she polled said they desire romance. So what's the problem you might ask, why don't they just do it if they seek it so much.
They have internal hesitations that keep them from being romantic on a more regular bases.
1. They feel they will not do a very good job.
2. They are haunted by romantic failures. If we have teased them for prior failures it may be years before they try again.
3. They feel it is difficult to change gears. When they come home they need time to decompress.
The men also noted that they have different definitions of romance, their reframes are:
A. Playing together is very romantic. They want to do guy things with their wife. They want us to be their playmates. The men stated, the woman who is having fun with her husband is very attractive.
B. Romance without sex may not feel complete. It is hard for men to delineate romance without sex. If men are romantic, they want sex. They say if romance is about feeling emotionally connected, sex is their way to do that.
Men feel that romance is a way for them to escape. Who would have thought, I know I did not. Today I am honoring my husband with romance by being his playmate. Tomorrow I will be continuing by watching his favorite sport, football all day with him. My only wonder is, do men consider it play and romantic when we watch football with them. I intend to find out, in the meantime, I will honor my husband with romance according to his definition.
Wives of the world how can you honor your husband with romance? What does he love to do that you can join in with him as his playmate? The men also shared what they would like for us to do to help them be more romantic, it was to encourage them, entice him and make him your number one. How can you honor your husband with romance today? Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.
Blessings,
Rochelle
"I just want our love to bring out the best in me and in you, that's what romance is meant to do." RAS
2 comments:
OOOOOOOH!! Good post!! :) Love the information as well - didn't know some things either. And my husband likes the same 2 movies (I think he has a crush on Meg Ryan - ha!!! It stems from being a young adult in the late 80s/early 90s).
Our pastor's wife has mentioned what you said about sitting by them while they watch sports or whatever they like as being that "shoulder-to-shoulder" time that men tend to need. Even if you sit there & just read a book or something, she seems to think it is still VERY important to do. I'll be curious to hear what your hubby's reaction is! I think MINE needs some FACE TO FACE time these days - but we also need a GOOD BABYSITTER first! LOL Actually, some advice for if/when you adopt is DO NOT let the kids come first- keep on playing with your husband! :)
Conny, thank you so much for the encouragement and advice about when we adopt. I did exactly what your Pastor's wife suggested. We watched football all evening, or I should say he watched football while I read for school. He truly was very excited that I chose to be by his side during a very important rivalry game.
Blessings,
Rochelle
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