Day 253 Honoring My Husband With My Gut

Today I am honoring my husband with my gut.  Sometimes I get the feeling that I should or should not be doing something.  Most times I pay attention to those feelings but sometimes I ignore them.  What I have learned about paying attention to my gut is that it is God's way of whispering to me when I need to act or not act.  Today the Lord told me it was a time for listening and although I wanted to speak, I could hear God saying no, this is a time to listen with your  heart, so listen with my heart I did. 

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband with your gut today?  Often times we hear God telling us to do something or not do it but we choose to ignore his direction.  I have come to realize that our gut feeling is our heart speaking to us.  Our heart is how we connect to God and how God speaks to us.  When we want to get defensive and God says no, it is our heart that really does not want to but because of habit or family patterns we do; or when we want to do something really nice it is our heart speaking and then we talk ourselves out of it saying it is not deserving.  What is your gut saying to you?  What does your heart say you need to start or stop doing today?  How can you honor your husband with your gut today?

Blessings,

Rochelle

"If you want to hear God speak to you, listen to your heart and you will hear him." RAS

Day 252 Honoring My Husband With Relationship

Today was a nice restful blessed day.  I had an awesome time in church.  I could not believe it when my Pastor stated his scripture, Colossians 3:18-19, which reads:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

It was yet another confirmation of what the Lord is teaching us as wives and husbands.  However he did not go on to preach about marriage, but he spoke about power.  He stated these scriptures are really about power and he asked the question "What do we do with our power?"  My interpretation of that was that as wives and husbands we have power and it is our responsibility not to abuse or lose it in our relationships.  Today I am honoring my husband with relationship.

We had discussed the possibility of spending the day doing something outdoors.  However today is football day and I found him in front of the TV watching the game.  I mentioned about going out but know how much he LOVES football.  He said he was willing to forego the game, after the Ravens of course, so we could go out.  I realized at that moment my possession of power as a wife to determine how we spent the afternoon. 

On day 207, I wrote about CHAIRS from the book Love and Respect.  The R stands for our husband's need for shoulder to shoulder relationship.  I decided it was the perfect opportunity for us to have some shoulder to shoulder time and a win/win.  We spent the day side by side in bed.  He watched football all day and I got to work on a blanket I have been crocheting for about a year. It was a nice, peaceful and enjoyable afternoon and evening.  We both noted it had been a  long time since we spent hours in bed watching TV.  Today I honored my husband with relationship by meeting his need for shoulder to shoulder time and my need for quality time.  Sometimes submission means using our power as a wife to bless the desire of our mate.  

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband with relationship?  How do you meet his need for shoulder to shoulder time, without him asking for it?  How can you honor his need for relationship today?  Please share your stories with us we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

Day 251 Honoring My Husband With the Cross

God's cross is to be a leading light
for us to follow.

I mentioned a while ago that I am a huge Oprah fan.  So much so that I was in denial when her show ended and did not watch the closing show until the end of the summer, and that was by chance.  Well I am just too happy that Oprah is back with a bang. Her new show on the OWN network, Oprah's Life Class has already been blessing to me.  She has even included a live class on Friday evening with Iyanla Vanzant and they make a dynamic duo.  I have gotten lots of intellectual nuggets over the past few weeks.

On yesterday as I watch the live show Iyanla shared this wonderful line that stuck with me, she did state it was not her brilliance but that of an author whose name escapes me.  However what she shared was, "Every nail you hammer in your brothers hand keeps you on the cross."  What it means is that when you find yourself judging someone, you are on the cross.  She went on to day, "if you eat well, you speak well."  I just loved both of those nuggets. 

This morning the devil decided he wanted to play with me and Bryan after a lovely moment of intimacy and we got into a disagreement.  As we went on for a few minutes I found myself judging his behavior and then my lesson earlier this week hit me.  I began thinking about God's lesson this week about how he intends to use our struggles to help us get back to him and a relationship like Adam and Eve.  I was so grateful for that lesson  and yesterday's nugget because they both helped me to shift my train of thought to focus on God and not what the devil was trying to do.   Iyanla's nugget, if you eat well, you speak well to me was equivalent to saying, we speak what we think, so if we think good thoughts we speak good thoughts.  Today I am honoring my husband with the cross instead of on the cross because I want to be an example of Christ to him and not hammer nails in his or my hands.  I found myself stopping mid sentence to redirect my thoughts and hence my words which I felt was then coming from Jesus and not me.  Its amazing how as soon as we bring God into a situation he works it out.

Wives of the world how can you or do you honor your husband with the cross by being an example of Christ?  What do you do when you find yourself in a place of judging instead of loving?  Every time we complain about the mess he makes and ask, why can't he clean up behind himself, or pick up his socks or take care the kids better or do more of whatever it is we want them to do, we are judging them and placing hammers in their hands.  How can you express your concerns with the love of Christ instead of the hammer of the Christ crucifiers?  How can you honor your husband with the cross today?

Blessings,

Rochelle

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me." Matthew 16:24

Day 250 Honoring My Husband With A Milestone

Milestones are footsteps to lifes dreams

Today as I attempted to go about my day as normal, I felt like I was working against my spirit.  I wanted to do catch up on housecleaning and other work but my body kept saying you need to just stop and be for a moment.  When I finally listened it dawned on me that today was quite the day to celebrate.  I realized that I had come upon two milestones, the submission of my final practicum report and 250 days of blogging. I was just besides myself. Both of these milestones have equated to a tremendous amount of learning for me, about me, about our marriage and about the Lord.  They have been kind of on a parallel path process.  I started the blog in February and my practicum in March.

My practicum was extremely intense and at times the learnings about honoring my husband have been quite emotional.  Both gave me a myriad of  learnings about myself, too many to mention but one of the greatest learnings I've had was this week.  The realization from the Lord that this process is to lead to a path of having a relationship like Adam and Eve.  That was a great aha moment. As I pondered on both of these milestones I became overwhelmed with emotions.  I have been working purely on adrenalin the past few weeks and this morning it was like a huge weight was lifted and all the emotions came rushing down.  I then realized that this week was quite emotional as God spoke with me about what he is doing.

So here I am 250+ days of honoring my husband and I am just elated with joy about how far it has brougt me and our marriage.  Today I am honoring my husband in celebration of these two great milestones.  Both of which have had a major impact on our relationship.  One that pulled against our relationship while the other worked to pull it closer together.  I am ecstatic as this force field begins to wind down with the final submission of my paper and look forward to the freedom of time that comes along with it.   All the more time to spend in my relationship and putting to work all the things I have learned.

Wives of the world in what ways can you honor your husband with a milestone?  Have you been working on something and have reached a pinnacle moment? How can you honor your husband with this milestone?

Blessings,

Rochelle

Day 249 Honoring My Husband Through Thorns & Thistles



Our thorns and thistles are the
gateway to living and loving like Jesus.

 Yesterday evening was another day of teaching leadership school at my church.  The lesson was about  living and leading in brokenness and vulnerability.  As I prepared for the lesson the Lord revealed an awesome revelation to me about his intentions for my marriage through this journey that brought me to tears.  As a result of that I am honoring my husband today through thorns and thistles.

The lesson was about how the Lord has promised we would have trials and tribulations as a result of the Fall from grace by Adam and Eve.  Every since that time, all God's children are promised to have struggles and life will be painful, difficult and frustrating.  The two areas we will have these challenges are in our relationships and our work.  The reason we have these thorns and thistles is because God wants to drive us to our knees to seek him and recognize our need for a Savior.

My revelation was when God created Adam and Eve they were in his likeness, filled with unconditional love for God and each other.  There was no quarrelling, manipulation, lack of trust or defensiveness; until they sinned.  God then revealed to me that his ultimate plan for us is that our relationships return to one that existed with Adam and Eve, especially in our marriage.  But this is also true of our family relationship, friendships, work relationships, actually all relationships.  God wants us to live in a place where true intimacy is more natural than today.

The Lord then revealed to me the reason he is taking me through this process is so that my marriage is one that is more like Adam and Eve instead of today's societal definition of marriage.  I realized at that moment the love the Lord is pouring upon us to want our marriages to be equivalent to that of Adam and Eve.  I thought Wow!, you love me so much that you want me to experience that kind of love here on earth.  I was breathless and filled with tears.  Imagine the love you would experience if your marriage was like that of Adam and Eve.  How awesome is that.

Today I am honoring my husband through the thorns and thistles that God uses to help us create a relationship like Adam and Eve.  It now all makes perfect sense and I feel like my purpose has increased exponentially as a result.  What this means to me is that the next time Bryan and I have a disagreement or our relationship seems a little strained, I have a new lens to view the situation which in of itself will impact how I choose to engage.  I just love how God works.

Wives of the world in what ways can you honor your husband through thorns and thistles?  How would it change your interactions knowing that each struggle is intended to help you get closer to God and have relationships like Adam and Eve, before the fall? What can you do to honor your husband through thorns and thistles today?

Blessings,

Rochelle

“We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God.” Acts 14:22

Day 248 Honoring My Husband With Assurance

My definition of assurance,
PRAYER.

Yesterday was yet another long 48 hours of go, go, go and sleep when you stop.  So when I stopped that  is exactly what I did, sleep.  However before I went off into lala land I had to teach.  Bryan was really concerned because I had been up for more than my share of hours.  He was really concerned that I would not be able to drive to and from the church because of the distance.  I am one of those people that I could probably go 72 hours straight without stopping, but when I stop, I stop.  Today I honored my husband with the assurance that I knew the Lord was carrying me and he would get me where I needed to go and back.  

I explained to Bryan that I was on my way to do God's work and there was no way he was going to allow interference in that assignment.  I truly felt covered.  I have been carrying around a bottle of the 5 hour energy drink for about 6 - 10 months.  I thought about drinking it before the class and then I prayed and the Lord assured me that I would be fine.  His words were I am the only energy you need.  I could not believe myself how much energy I had given I was sleep deprived.  Someone in the class said to me you are just a ball of energy tonight.  I could not help but laugh because I knew it was nobody but Jesus that had taken over my body.  Even as I was driving I knew I was not in charge.  I just love it when the Lord shows me whos really in charge.  God is so good and always takes care of us.  I praised him all the way to my destination. 

Fortunately we had decided to stay closer to the church so I did not have a long ride home.  Yet when I arrived to our destination Bryan said I cannot believe you are not falling down sleep.  I just smiled and said thank you Jesus.  I then ate dinner, watch about 10 minutes of the football game and then I was off to the great place called sleep.  I just kept saying to myself it is almost over and I am truly on the countdown for my final days of school which will mean I will totally have my life back.  Yeh!

Wives of the world how do or can you honor your husband with assurance?  Is there something that he is concerned about for you but you know the Lord has your back and will work it out?   How can you honor your husband with assurance today?  I am a true believer that all we need is just a little faith and the Lord will surely see us through.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Those who have served well gain an excellent standing and great

 assurance in their faith in Christ Jesus." 1 Timothy 3:13

Day 247 Honoring My Husband With Aspirations

In the hands of God our aspirations
are like rocket ships that can sour as
high as we can dream.

Today we had an awesome time in church.  My pastor preached a great sermon out of Colossians.  He  entitled it "A New Me."  It was filled with several intellectual nuggets.  The ones I gravitated towards were:

1)  Once Christ comes in you, you have help.
2)  If you can't fly, just stretch out your wings and let the Holy Spirit carry you.
3)  When there is a new you, you have new aspirations.
4)  There are certain behavior that go with our dreams.
And my absolute favorite was a question:
5) Does your behavior match your dream?

That last question gave me a lift in my spirit.  I immediately began to think about all the things I would like to do and the things I am doing and posed that question to myself.  It then had me thinking about the dream I have for my marriage and how does my behavior match that dream?  I would like to say an emphatic and absolute yes, of course my behavior match the dream I have for my marriage and then God reminded me, if that were the case in every area he would not have assigned me this blog.  Sometimes the truth hurts.  I do know along with heightened awareness about the type of wife the Lord wants me to be he has changed my behavior to be much closer to the dream he has for our marriage.  What is so interesting to me is, if you had asked me a year ago what I thought needed to do to be a better wife, I probably could have given you about 3 - 5 things, certainly not 246 and counting.

The other statement I resonated with was, when there is a new you, you have new aspirations.  I have found that to be very true.  As I come to the end of my very intense school program, I can truly say it was a life changing experience for me.  Imagine being in a laboratory for 28 months where you are not only the scientist learning about the theory but you are also the one being studied.  That is a synopsis of my program, truly intense.  That being said, I have learned a lot which has increased my intellectual capacity in the area I love and now I feel I am filled with aspirations about how to use all this wonderfully new knowledge.  My pastor stated that as you increase in Christ your aspirations also increase and you cannot hang around someone who does not have aspirations when you do.  Today I am honoring my husband with aspirations. 

Anyone that knows Bryan knows that he is filled with aspirations.  I actually asked him the question, "Does your behavior match your dream? And he responded do you really have to ask.  I have to admit it is true, one does not have to ask him that question because there is definitely alignment in that area for him.  It is actually one of the reasons I married him.  I had never met anyone that was so driven, focused and disciplined when it came to building their dream.

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband with aspirations? Today I am honoring Bryan with aspirations because I want to ensure my behavior does match the dream I have for our marriage.  I also want to ensure that I keep up with him.  My intentions are for us to have a dialogue about how both our behavior line up with the dream we have for our marriage.  It is a conversation we have not had in a long time, so it will be interesting to see what emerges.  How does your behavior match the dream you have for your marriage?  What new aspirations are you carrying around?  If you could see yourself in a mirror every day, would you be proud of your behavioral reflection?  How can you honor your husband with aspirations on today?

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive s the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:12 - 14

"God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow in them. "

 Unknown

Day 246 Honoring My Husband by Experiencing God

Several years ago I graduated from a three year discipleship program at my church. One of the books we used was called Experiencing God.  It was intended to help us shift from knowing the word of God to believing and acting upon the word of God.  One day I was perusing a book store and came across a similar book called Experiencing God Together by the same authors.  So of course I could not resist it.  I have had that book for at least four years and came across it this year.  It has some great togetherness lessons for couples to grow in Christ together. 

Today I am honoring my husband by Experiencing God through his word.  It shares the passage Proverbs 2: 1-11 and through this passage I honor my husband today.

My son, if you will receive my sayings,

And treasure my commandments within you

Make your ear attentive to wisdom

Incline your heart to understanding;

For if you cry for discernment,

Lift your voice for understanding;

If you seek her as silver,

And search for her as for hidden treasures;

Then you will discern the fear of the Lord,

And discover the knowledge of God.

For the Lord gives wisdom;

From His mouth come knowledge and understanding,

He stores up sound wisdom for the upright;

He is a shield to those who walk in integrity,

Guarding the paths of justice

And He preserves the way of His godly ones.

Then you will discern righteousness and justice

And equity and every good course.

For wisdom will enter your heart,

And knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;

Discretion will guard you,

Understanding will watch over you.

This passage allows us to know that God desires to give us wisdom and show us His purpose for our lives.  We are to be prepared to receive all that God teaches us through the Holy Spirit. Today I am honoring my husband by Experiencing God's word so I can continue to be clear on his desires for me in honoring Him and my husband.

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband by Experiencing  God today?  How do you allow the Lord to speak with you and give you wisdom to be the wife or woman he called you to be?  What can you do to honor the man in your life today by "Experiencing God".  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"For it is God who is working among you both the willing and the working among you for His good purpose." Phil. 2:12-13

Day 245 Honoring My Husband Through Discipleship

Today as I completed my scripture reading and devotions it dawned on me that the Lord has entrusted me to help build disciples in his kingdom.  I am the ministry leader for Leadership School at my church.  We have close to 10,000 members and each week the Lord entrusts me to help make our current and emerging leaders more like him.  The vision for the ministry is to have a church full of leaders, leading like Jesus and our mission is to lead like Jesus so our church is a welcoming  home.  Basically our task is to help our leaders become stronger disciples of Christ in their walk and how they lead.

Today one of the statements in my devotional was "Discipleship is built entirely on the supernatural grace of God."  It struck me because I had not thought about it in that context before. I immediately thought about the grace that is needed to be a loving, caring, God fearing, respectful wife.  So often we go through life segmenting our roles, however as Christians our number one role is to be a disciple.  To be an example to others of how to live like Christ especially at home.  This role trumps all others, including being a wife, mother, sister and friend.  Sanctification makes us one with Jesus Christ.  The impact is obedience and service and prayer and the ability to be the example he calls us to be.  Today I am honoring my husband through discipleship because if I am not a good disciple and servant of the Lord I cannot be a good servant wife.  My aha moment today was that as a wife I am to serve as a disciple to my husband.  I do not know why but this was a new aha moment for me.

My devotion lesson went on to say it requires the supernatural grace of God to live twenty-four hours in every day as a saint, to go through drudgery as a disciple, to live an ordinary, unobserved, ignored existence as a disciple of Jesus.  Often times in our many roles, we may experience all of these feelings, however if we stay focused on the goal of Christ, to make us disciples, we can be exceptional in the ordinary things. As a result of this revelation, I have asked Bryan to go along with me on this teaching and learning journey so we will both be going through the lessons in the book we are using for leadership school.  This is my way of bringing home God's word in Matthew 28:19, therefore go and make disciples.  It first starts with me and my home.  I realized the lessons I am teaching at church will be of tremendous value at home.

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband through discipleship today?  Are you living a life of congruency?  Do you see your role as a wife as that of a disciple first, wife second?  What changes would you make if you reorganize the org chart of your life so being disciple is on top?  How can you or do you need to honor your husband through discipleship today?

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28: 19-21

Day 244 Honoring My Husband By Taking Care of Me

Nothing like a good nights rest
to start the day.

Wow! How did that happen. I realized after getting my paper turned in I was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted.  It took everything out of me.  I attempted on yesterday to get my house in order since I had let it go a bit while working through school but I was too tired.  Bryan called me later in the day and I realized I was almost too tired to carry on a conversation.  I decided to honor my husband by taking care of myself and getting some rest.  

On day 155 I wrote about the 7 Revelations and no. 7 was men care about our appearance.  I believe that means in all areas.  When I am tired, I feel tired, I look tired, and I do not feel like looking my best because I do not feel my best.  By honoring my husband by taking care of me and getting some rest, I believe that allows me to honor revelation no. 7 so I can feel good enough to take care of my appearance.  Taking care of me did have a downfall, I totally forgot to complete my post on yesterday yet I did awaken this morning fully refreshed.  I guess this is one of those time where the Lord's grace comes into play.

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband by taking care of yourself?  In what area do you need to attend to you to be more available for your him?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"And if tonight my soul may find her peace in sleep, and sink in good oblivion,
and in the morning wake like a new-opened flower then I have been dipped again in God, and new-created.D.H. Lawrence

Day 243 Honoring My Husband With Relief

Hallelujah! My paper is done and turned in, praise the Lord. It is my first draft of three and my hope and prayer is that put enough into it the first go rount that I will not have to make too many adjustments.  Today I am honoring my husband with relief because he has been holding down the fort in more than one way, while I finish the last stretch.

It has been a long several days and nights and all I want to do is sit in our whirlpool to release all the tension in my body and get some sleep.  We're a little behind with our sessions so I am gearing up for that as well.  It will enable me to honor my husband with relief mentally, physically and emotionally.  Yeh, another win/win on the horizon.

Wives of the world how you honor your husband's with relief.  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"And thou wilt give thyself relief, if thou doest every act of thy life as if it were the last."

Marcus Aurelius

Day 242 Honoring My Husband

Still working on completing this final paper.  It is more like a book than a paper so I am just plugging away.  Yet I am still honoring my husband as best I can in the midst of being overwhelmed and bogged down with school work.

Blessing,

Rochelle

Day 241 Honoring My Husband

Last month when I finished my last class I celebrated the accomplishment.  Over the past few days I have been feeling like it was a premature celebration.  Although I have no more classes I had several papers to complete and each one has been worse than the one prior.  I have literally been spending almost 12 hours a day working on this final project that all's I could do to honor my husband is to just speak it, acknowledge and keep moving.

Blessings,

Rochelle

Day 240 Honoring My Husband A Reality Check

Sleep, vitamin for the spirit and soul.

Today was one of those days where I got up on the wrong side of the bed.  Bryan woke up early this  morning and was in a playful mood.  I felt like I was on my second cycle of rem sleep and was not in a playful mood.  When he realized I was not fully awake he got up.  I was still pretty tired and tried to go back to sleep but could not so I woke up shortly thereafter and unfortunately I was still tired.  When I got up I started nit-picking at nothing and Bryan and I got into some friendly fire.  I sat down and asked myself, what the heck is going on with you.  I realized I was still quite tired and cranky.  Today I honored my husband with a reality check.

I also realized that there have been a few times when I have been cranky in the morning.  I will roll out of bed but not want to be bothered for at least an hour until I get my head together.  When I had this realization I then shared with Bryan, I have no idea what our friendly fire was about except that I was quite cranky.  I am typically your happy go lucky person.   He went off to work and I was left pondering my behavior.   I had a reality check about myself in that when I do not get enough of a sound sleep, I can be a pretty cranky soul.

When I was about 18, my Mom shared with a friend of mine to make sure I did not stay out to late because my sister was getting married the next day.  She then said, Rochelle and mornings do not get along very well and, of course I said, I like mornings.  She then said, well I have no evidence of that so just make sure you are in early enough to get some sleep.  This was during my all night party days.  That was close to 30 years ago and believe it or not, it was not until this morning that I realized my Mom was on to something.  Although it is not every morning, it is enough of them.   I bet my Mom can give me a lot of evidence that will give me the gift of self awareness. I probably owe her an apology.

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband's with a reality check?  Is there something about your behavior that will help him understand your actions a little better or is there something you just discovered about yourself that will enlighten him as well?  How can you honor him with a reality check on today?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute,
if there is any excellence and anything worthy of praise,
let your mind dwell on these things."
Philippians 4:4-8 

Day 239 Honoring My Husband With Honesty

It has been a very long day today and all I could muster up was my title for how I honored my husband today.  Please stay tuned to see how it unfolds.

Johari Window
The pathway to honesty about self.

 So now I am ready after yet another full day.

On yesterday, Friday I honored my husband with honesty in a different kind of way, with heightened self awareness.  My husband has this thing he does whenever he has something on his mind.  He will end his sentences with um.  Normally when he speaks he does not use filler words, so I can always tell when he has more to say because out comes the um at the end of what he says.  This is something that he was totally unaware of so when I would ask him "What else do you want to say?" he would either share or say how do you know I have something else to say.  I would just say, I can just tell.  Well today I honored him with honesty by telling him how I know.

There is a theory called Johari Window.  This theory is used to help individuals and groups to be more aware of their actions and behavior.  The concept is that there are four parts to our levels of self awareness:

1.  Open - These are things that we know about ourselves and openly share with others.

2.  Hidden - These are things we know about ourselves but we hide from others.

3.  Blind - These are things that others know about us but we do not know about ourselves.

4. Unknown - These are things we do not know and others do not know about us.

I honored my husband today with honesty by making him aware of this behavior he has that has been visibly clear to me for years but blind to him.  The best part about the theory is that it provides us an avenue to learn more about ourselves.  Whenever someone shares something with you about yourself and you find yourself saying "I don't do that" chances are you probably do, but you just are not aware of it.  The way you find out how they know something, is to ask the question, "What behavior are you seeing that I don't see?"  You will probably be surprised and learn something new about yourself.

Bryan and I have had this exchange in the reverse.  He also always knew when I wanted to talk about something because I would play with my hands when I had something serious on my mind.  I used to ask him, how do you know and like me, he would say I just can tell.  Finally I asked the right question, "What do you see?" and he gave me the gift of self awareness. 

Wives of the world in what ways can you honor your husband with honesty?  Is there something about his behavior that he always does and he does not know how you know what is going on with him at that time?  If so how can you honor him with honesty and give him the gift of self awareness today?  Self-awareness is one of the key indicators of leadership capability.  When someone gives you the gift of self awareness they are helping you to be a better leader, parent, wife, Christian or just a better person.  When we are more aware of our behavior we can respond to situations in a more authentic and intentional manner instead of an automatic response.  How can you give your husband the gift of honesty today?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Honesty does not always bring a response of love, but it is absolutely essential to it."  Ray Blanton

Day 238 Honoring My Husband's View

The picture all depends upon your view.

 Today I decided to take an alternate mode of transportation.  Instead of driving, I took a bus from   Baltimore to New Jersey.  The sun had gone down and it was a beautiful evening.  I was feeling pretty good because I had three hours I could use reading and not have to worry about paying attention to the roads.  As we proceeded down the highway, I happen to look up and for a moment I did not recognize where we were.  The bus was so far off the ground that the view looked very different to me. After about 20 seconds it dawned on me that we were on a road that I have crossed hundreds of times, maybe even thousands yet it looked very different to me.  It was at that moment God spoke to me to let me know just how different the view of the world is for folks who are vertically challenged and those who are vertically blessed.  Because of this experience, I am honoring my husband's view.

Both Bryan and I are considered vertically blessed.  We are taller than the average male and female.  I stand almost 6' and he is closer to 7'.  There are times we are in the same location but do not notice the same things.  He has pointed things out to me and I can recall saying, I can't see it or it looks different to me.  It was not until today, going across the bridge on the bus that I realized how different the view is for him.  So many times people will say to him or both of us, especially if I have on heels, "How is the view up there?"  I would bet they have no idea how different it really is and how beautiful it is.  The world seems a lot less chaotic when you are towering above everyone else. 

One of the things I recognized was that I did not notice all the traffic because the view above was so clear.  I can recall times when Bryan and I have been somewhere and I would say it seems really crowded in here, and he would say its not so bad.  It was because he could see beyond the crowd and I could not.  Today I am  honoring my husband's view by acknowledging and recognizing our differences in this area. 

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband's view?  Do you both have the same view of the world when it comes to your height or is it different?  How can you leverage the advantage you both have with such a difference?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear and learn from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"There is nothing insignificant in the world.  It all depends on the point of view." 

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Day 237 Honoring My Husband With Humor



Laughter creates stronger relationships.

 Whenever I am in my car I typically listen to a Christian Radio station, Wednesday evening I was   able  to listen to a Focus on the Family series and they were talking about marriage and the expectations we have going into it.  I heard one of the funniest stories I have heard in a long time and felt compelled to share it with Bryan.  Here is the story:

A middle age man, I believe it was Gary Smalley's son, was sharing a story about when he first got married, both him and his wife were in the low twenties.  He had an expectation that his wife would make breakfast every morning.  When they returned home from their honeymoon, on the next day his wife slept in late.  The next day she slept in late again and she slept in every day thereafter for about six or seven days.  Since she was not cooking breakfast he began to think she was upset with him about something.  So on the next day he asked her, "Honey are we okay" and she said "sure, why do you ask" and he proceeded to say "well you have not cooked breakfast so I thought you were mad at me."   He then began to say "my mom used to" and he said before he could finish his sentence his new wife said, "If you want a hot breakfast you better set a fire under your cornflakes."  I could not contain my laughter. 

Her husband had come from a family where his mother cooked breakfast every day, so he thought that is what wives do, cook breakfast everyday for their husband's.  He went on to share that this exchange led to a conversation about expectations.  He had no idea that he had the expectation and clearly neither did his wife.  They were able to come to an agreement about breakfast but more importantly they were able to have a discussion about unspoken expectations based on their life experiences.

I had to share this story with Bryan because I knew he would resonate with it.  As with any other marriage we've had our share of upheavals because of unknown, unspoken or unrealistic expectations.  Today I'm just glad it was someone else story we could laugh at. 

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband with humor?  What story have you heard that resonates with an experience in your marriage you both can laugh at?  I shared on day 147 many of the benefits that come with laughter (check it out if you don't recall them).  One of which was about
 Laughter and Your Relationship - When two people share a funny story or a silly situation arises between two people, there’s a unique bonding that is created. Something special is formed between the two that only they can relate with. It’s an inside joke that is special to those who’ve shared in the moment.   How can you honor your husband with humor on today?

Blessings,

Rochelle

Day 236 Honoring My Husband - Maybe?

Today was one of those days where I am really not exactly sure how I honored my husband.  I took care of a few administrative things for him today and then I got so heavily into my school work that I forgot to cook dinner so of course he was disappointed when he arrived home.  This left me pondering on the concept of grace for myself and it left me wondering so if I forget to do something important for him does this mean that I am not honoring him? 

We spoke several times throughout the day and I mentioned to him that I was going to my office away from home, Panera Bread.  Typically when I have a significant paper due at school I will spend all day at Panera, which was the case today.  I think I lifted my head once or twice during that time.  Nonetheless I did feel a sense of guilt.  I have been working on this paper for a while and really did not want to stay up all evening to complete it so I believe my subconscious led the way.  Today I am honoring my husband with a question mark about, is it dishonorable to forget your wifely duties or responsibility.  I'm not sure of the answer but I do know I serve a merciful and grace filled God.  So even if my husband chooses not to forgive me I know the Lord will because he knows my heart.

Wives of the world in what ways have you questioned if you were honoring your husband?  Have you forgotten a wifely duty that left you feeling guilty and questioning if you fell off the wagon?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear and learn from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"One of the most dangerous forms of human error is forgetting what one is trying to achieve." Paul Nitze

Day 235 Honoring My Husband With Agreement

Now that's a cool idea!

Today Bryan and I had an interesting conversation about our upcoming vacation.  I really want to go  someplace warm and veg out for several days and he just wants to get away from home.  We booked a week in Mexico so I am already packed mentally.  I was a little surprised that he agreed to go away for the Thanksgiving holiday, it is his favorite holiday.  Nonetheless we have it booked and were speaking about how much time we would like to spend there.  Then I asked the dreaded question, are you sure you want to go away for Thanksgiving?  I am totally okay with it but felt he was having reservations and I was correct, he was having some internal turmoil about it.

We pondered about the best time to leave since we have some flexibility, should we go the day after or that weekend.  Later Bryan decided he had a brilliant idea.  We have several time share properties and he suggested that we book several rooms at one of them and invite both of our families.  My immediate thought was, that sounds like a great idea and then I realized that will not be the vacation I had in mind but it will definitely be one that I will enjoy.  Today I am honoring my husband with agreement.  We will be able to spend time with both our families, be away from home and enjoy the holidays.  We have not yet determined which day we will leave for our beach bash but we did commit to ensuring we do.  Today I honored my husband with agreement so we can enjoy our holiday with family and get away from the craziness of normal life. 

Wives of the world in what ways can you honor your husband with an agreement when he has a change of heart?  Is there anything you are pondering upon that is different than what you were anticipating but will still meet the ultimate need of you both?  How can you honor your husband with agreement today?

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Harmony is pure love, for love is complete agreement." Lope de Vega

Day 234 Honoring My Husband's Presence

The only thing missing are the 100's
of books surrounding me in my office
and the coffee to keep me going.

 Today was one of those days where I was up late into the evening working on one of my last few papers for school.  All I could to today was simply honor my husband by acknowledging his presence. We both just smiled and said it will be totally over soon, praise God for that.  Today I honored my husband's presence by letting him know I did not forget about him while I was steadily plugging away on my best friend, my computer. 

Wives of the world how do you honor your husband's presence when you have something you cannot pull away from?  I simply stopped before he went off to sleep to sit next to him for a few minutes, get my daily one minute hug and then back to the drawing board.  How can you honor your husband's presence today?

Blessings,

Rochelle

“     Somewhere there is someone that dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worthwhile, so when you are lonely remember it's true, someone somewhere is thiking of you."

Day 233 Honoring My Husband's Sweet Tooth



There's nothing like hot chocolate and
chocolate chip cookies to satisfy the
need for a sweet indulgence.

 The past couple of days both Bryan and I had business in the city which is 60 miles south of our home.  Because of this we decided to stay in the city instead of traveling back and forth.  Last night Bryan was kind enough to purchase my favorite Chinese food for dinner.   After dinner he was seriously craving something sweet.  Unfortunately we did not have anything and neither of us felt like hitting the streets again.  Typically when he has a sweet tooth it last for a few days until he gets what he wants or the feeling dissipates.  Today I am honoring my husband's sweet tooth by making his favorite homemade cookies.

He loves warm chocolate chip cookies so I made it a point to make him some and surprise him when he gets home.  My hope is he does not satisfy his sweet appetite prior to returning  home.  I have to give credit to Duncan Hines.  They have the absolute best semi-homemade cookies.  I guess you cannot claim homemade if you do not make the batter from scratch.  Maybe I will have an opportunity to do that when I finish school but I think why ruin a good thing.  Today I honored my husband's sweet tooth although neither of us need to be eating sweets at this time but it is better to indulge every now and then instead of feeling like you are totally giving up something you love.  Otherwise when you get it you will over indulge.

Wives of the world in what way can you honor your husband's sweet tooth?  How do you help him take care of himself yet allow a little indulgence every now and then.  How can you honor his sweet tooth today? Is there something he loves but has not had in a while that would be a great surprise?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Stressed spelled backwards is desserts.  Coincidence?  I think not!"Author Unknown

"A little chocolate is like a love affair - an occasional sweet release that lightens the spirit."

Linda Solegato

Day 232 Honoring My Husband With Admiration

This would have been a piece of cake
if it was all I had to address.

Today was a day of learning for me.  We had to have a tenant removed from one of our properties,    something I truly did not like.  Nonetheless it did have to be done, which left us with a vacant apartment that needed to be cleaned.  On the day of the removal I was there and took a look around to see if it was badly damaged.  I was surprised at how it did not appear to be too much in disarray.  So I mistakenly shared with Bryan that I would clean it to get it ready for showing.  I have to say today I am truly honoring my husband with admiration.

I have another paper to write so I wanted to get an early start on the apartment.  Bryan asked me if I had a few large plastic bags and cleaning material.  I told him yes, and I did, I just did not  know I did not have enough.  I wondered why he asked me the question because I did not think it would take me that long to clean.  Well as I said, today was a day of learning for me.  As I began to clean the apartment I realized that it was going to take a lot longer than I had planned because it was much dirtier than I had remembered.  There is something to be said for what lies beneath the surface.  I spent over 2 1/2 hours cleaning the place and it was not all done when I left.  I do not like to label and judge a person, so I will just say it was an experience for me.  I would be the tub had not been cleaned since we cleaned it before the person became a tenant.

Bryan showed up and I told him the place needed to be fumigated.  So he took care of that and I left.  My husband knows me well so he called me not too long after I left and asked me was I okay.  I gave him a screaming "NO" and said I am not cut out for this kind of work.  It was not the house cleaning, because of course I clean my house all the time, it was the mass amount of dirt, grime, little critters and junk that I could not take.  The thing is, I have cleaned other apartments before, but this one had a little extra spice to it. 

Bryan shared with me that he thought it was a piece of cake relatively speaking and I said you must be kidding.  He then shared with me that normally he would have hire one of his guys to do the heavy lifting before I get in to clean so by the time I arrive I may have to clean the windows, clean the refrigerator and some minor dusting.  This time because "I" said I would do it, he did not have the preliminary cleaning done.  He also said I probably have a much greater appreciation for the work he does and I said absolutely I do but I am in no way cut out for it myself.  He then asked if I wanted him to have someone come in to finish things up.  You can probably guess my response.  How many ways can you say yes please.

Today I am honoring my husband with true admiration.   It really gave me a perspective on why he shuns the idea of cleaning up at home.  He has a lot of properties and people are moving in and out all the time.  Although he has help, he often has to provide support.  I so get it now and can increase my grace and space in this area.  I am so admiring of his ability to transform a place from barely livable into something quite lovely.  I learned a great lesson today, one about myself and one about my husband; both very valuable for our marriage.  So I guess there was a purpose after all.  God always knows.

Wives of the world in what way can you or do you honor your husband with admiration?  Is there something that he does that you are truly appreciative of because you would not do it yourself?  How can you honor him with admiration on today?  A little appreciation and acknowledgement goes a long way.  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"To love is to admire with the heart, to admire is to love with the mind." Theophile Gautier

Day 231 Honoring My Husband With Accountability

There is a lot of truth to the belief that men do not like to go to the doctors.  However that has not    typically been the case with Bryan.  If he is not feeling well he has been good about getting the sleep he needs or making an appointment to see a doctor.  I recently discovered that although he was good about going to the doctor he has not been good about doing the follow up they requested.  I received a call from our doctor's assistant and she wanted me to know that he had some test he was supposed to have taken back in March.  You can imagine my surprise.  I actually asked her if she was sure she had the right Bryan because I know my husband would not forget to follow up on his medical tests.  Today I am honoring my husband by holding him accountable.

I contacted Bryan right away to make sure he followed through on the necessary request.  When I asked why he had not done so before, he said he thought he did not need the test since he had taken them for the past few years and the results were always the same.  I will just say the rest of the conversation was  quite colorful with a few choiceful, Godly, and accountability words to ensure follow through. I was quite disappointed especially since I thought he was not in the same category as most men when it came to taking care of himself medically.

Wives of the world in what ways do you or can you honor your husband's with accountability?  Is he the kind of man that takes care of himself medically or do you have to practically push him out the door to get him to a doctor?  I know some wives that actually have to make the appointment for their husband and some that even have to drive him there to get his annual check up.  I say we need to do whatever it takes to support our husband's in this arena.  They will never share how vulnerable they feel when it comes to going to get a checkup, it will simply show up as resistance.  In this case, resistance is usually another word for I'm scared. How can you honor  your husband with accountability today?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Holding ourselves and others accountable in love is love." RAS

Day 230 Honoring My Husband With Emotional Health



Being a disciple of Christ requires us to
be emotionally mature in all areas. 
Discover what area you need to change.

 I have always considered myself to be a pretty well balanced and emotionally healthy individual.  I   handle my anger well, do not project my stuff on to others, can share my feelings in a way that can be understood and am considered a pretty good listener.  Today I learned that I am not as emotionally healthy as I had thought.  The reason is due to work life balance. 

I am teaching a class on leadership and we are using a book called "The Emotionally Healthy Church" by Peter Scazzero.  The book is to build leaders that are Disciples of Christ.  In this book there is an assessment about emotional health.  I took the assessment once before and I believe I either did not complete it or miscalculated my rating because today when I completed it I learned that I rated myself as emotionally immature when it comes to accepting the Gifts of Limits. 

The Gift of Limits is our ability to establish healthy boundaries when it comes to our schedules and specifically when it comes to doing work in ministry.  Bryan has commented several times about the amount of time I commit to the church and I know it is a lot especially since I left my job, however I always justify it with my way of giving back.  Today I learned again and had it validated once more that the Lord does not want us to work in his kingdom at the expense of our family, sleep, work or lives.  I believe I knew this instinctively however it was an eye opener to see the results of my assessment.  So now I have to take it a  little more serious to see just what I will do different. 

Today I am honoring my husband with emotional health by owning my imbalance and committing to putting systems in place to be more balanced.  Yes I know this is the second time I have owned up to this in less than 30 days, so clearly the Lord is trying to tell me something.  I know I have been operating on his grace and need to move fast before he gives me a greater warning sign about the change I need to make.

Wives of the world in what ways can you honor your husband's with emotional health.  The book looks at several aspects of emotional health to include, being a disciple, what's beneath the surface, breaking the power of the past, living in brokenness, embracing grief and loss and making incarnation our model for loving well.  How emotionally healthy are you when you consider these areas?  Is there an area where you need to improve your emotional health so that you are mature in all areas and not most?  I discovered that I as an emotional adult in six out of seven areas yet the book speaks to the importance of being emotionally mature in all areas to be a fully healthy disciple of Christ.  How can you honor your husband with emotional health today?

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Establishing boundaries is the gift of life, love and happiness we can only give to ourselves." RAS

Day 229 Honoring My Husband With Warmth




There's no greater warmth than that
of the one you love.

  For the past few days I have been up beyond 2:00 AM working on one of my final papers for school.  It  has taken me an unbelievable amount of time to complete this paper, to the point where I am frustrated and ready for it to be done.  Because I have been staying up each night, this means Bryan has been in bed well before me and is well into his dream stage of sleeping by the time I go to bed.  Tonight I am honoring my husband with the warmth of my closeness.  I have not finished my paper and will continue to work on it in the morning, but tonight I want to and feel I need to honor my husband with the warmth of my presence.  I thank God for giving me the time and opportunity to continue this work on tomorrow but tonight I will be engaging in pillow conversation with my man.

Wives of the world how can you or do you honor your husband with warmth?  One thing all this psychology theory has taught me is that, if something is in you, it is in the system at which you exist.  What this means in this case is that, if I am feeling like I miss my husband and tired of not being in bed with him at night, I bet he is missing me as well and he is just not saying anything because he knows I have several papers to complete.  It will be a nice surprise for him when I join him this evening.  Last night I took a 15 minute break just to experience his warmth and did not feel I was far enough into my paper to let it go.  However tonight is another story.  So ladies, if life has you busy with other things and you are missing your husband in the meantime, know that he is more than likely missing you as well.  How can you honor your husband with warmth tonight?

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire,

and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." Terry Pratchett

Day 228 Honoring My Husband With An Apology

I have come to realize that there are times I am very good at remembering things and others times I  cannot remember what I did 24 hours prior.  Today was one of those days where I experienced the latter of the two.  Yesterday during dinner Bryan and I had a conversation about how we wanted to use some funds we had forthcoming.  Prior to us having this discussion I had made some determinations in my mind as to what would happen to the funds.  Well today when they were realized, I had forgotten the conversation Bryan and I had yesterday so when he shared what was going to happen I began asking a ton of questions.  To my surprise he did not remind me of our conversation on yesterday, he just answered the questions.  It did not dawn on me until later in the day that I had forgotten our prior conversation.  Today I am honoring my husband with an apology I had a major oops moment.
Bryan later called me and shared he wanted to discuss our prior conversation.  I stopped him before he could go further and let him know that I owed him an apology because I had totally forgotten our conversation from the day prior.  What was so interesting to me is that I typically do not forget those kind of conversations but I guess the conversation I had with myself a few days prior was so real for me that it took precedence over the actual conversation that took place.  In any event I am glad the Lord reminded me of the commitment I made which avoided the possibility of frustration for me and Bryan.
Today I honored my husband with an apology because it was the right thing to do.  I could have simply left things as they were and not acknowledge the error of my ways however I know that would not have been the honorable thing to do.

Wives of the world in what ways do you or can you honor your husband with an apology?  How do you honor him when you are wrong or have an oops moment?  Do you acknowledge it or do you ignore it?  I love the edict that says character is who you are when no one else is looking, well to me apologizing when you know you were wrong is one way to have your character seen in the light.  What if anything do you need to do to bring your true character to light?  How can you honor your husband with an apology today?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"Apology is a lovely perfume; it can transform the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift."

Margaret Lee Runbeck

Day 227 Honoring My Husband's Fatigue

Sometimes we just need a break
from the hustle and bustle of the road.

One of the things I love about Sunday's is that if I am not in school or scheduled to serve at church,   Bryan and I get to spend the day riding to and from church together.  On those days he will typically do the driving.  I call it my special day because I get to be chauffeured by him all day long.  One of the things I love about him is that he still opens and closes the door for me most of the time, but especially on Sunday's.  Today was one of those special days and he topped it off with a nice early dinner so I did not have to worry about cooking when we got home.  However at the end of our meal he stated he was very tired and asked if I would drive home.  Of course I said yes however I was a little disappointed that my special day was coming to an end earlier than I had anticipated.  Today I honored my husband's fatigue by taking the wheel on one of my special days.

I would be remiss if I did not share the history of how Sunday's became my special day.  Bryan drives 60 miles to and from his business location Monday through Saturday since we moved into our current home.  Prior to moving to our current hometown he always drove us to church on Sunday's or whenever we would go somewhere of distance on the weekends.  After about a year of us moving, I noticed that he had begun to ask me to drive much more frequently than I cared to on Sunday's.  It became somewhat of a contentious issue in our marriage because I became increasingly disappointed about not having my special day.  After several months of having creative dialogue on Sunday mornings about who was going to drive, it finally dawned on me that I was not aware of why he was reluctant to drive on the weekend as he had before.  When I asked him about it I learned that because he drove at least 120 miles round trip six days of the week, he was quite tired of driving by the time Sunday came around.  By the way our church is also 120 miles round trip. 

By asking the right questions it opened the door for both of us to understand each other's perspective.  He had no idea how special Sunday's were for me and I did not realize just how exhausting driving could get for him.  Based on that conversation we both agreed to meet each other's needs in that area as much as possible.  He still does most of the driving on Sunday's however I know at any time he could feel tired and I will have to take over the wheel and end my special day.  Sometimes we will compromise before we leave the house and I will drive to church and he will drive home and take us to handle any errands we need to accomplish.  Isn't it amazing how a little communication can change one's world?  Today I honored my husband's fatigue by keeping my commitment and taking over the wheel so he could rest his mind before having to make the drive early the next day.  I was sad and honored at the same time.

Wives of the world how do you or can you honor your husband's fatigue?  Are there times when he would like you to take over something that he normally does but he has run out of energy? How do you handle those situations?  Do you take over with pride or does it become a source of contention, resentment and frustration for you?  How can you negotiate getting both your needs met in that arena?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle

"The strongest have their moments of fatigue." Friedrich Nietzsche

Day 226 Honoring My Husbands Desires

My day was pretty jammed packed today.  It started early this morning and I had a full day client session  scheduled and a meeting after that with a potential client.  My brain feels like it is on overdrive.  Bryan has been talking about going to the movies for the past two weeks.  Each time we tried, it was my schedule that got in the way and today he was willing to give up going so I could complete some other work I have pending.  However I decided it would be best for me to honor my husband's request to see a movie this evening.

This is another one of those win/win scenarios. He gets to see the movie he has been wanting to see and I get to veg my brain for a couple of hours, pretty cool deal.  Yet I know relaxing my brain will be the last thing I do.  I love trying to see the story behind the story in a movie.  I pay attention to the psychological dancing to see what psychology or group theory emerges for me.  So in actuality it will not be a time of mental vegging but a time of intellectual stimulation which in a sense is how I relax.
Today I am honoring my husband's desire to be intellectually entertained while I am intellectually stimulated. 

Each time we go to the movies, on the way home, I always ask him so what was the message in that movie.  He hates that question because he knows it is followed up with my theoretical perspective which often leads us into a debate about the story and the message behind the story.  I'm actually looking forward to it.

Wives of the world how can you honor your husband's desires today?  Is there something he has been wanting to do and for whatever reason you, your schedule, life demands has not allowed it?  How can you find the win/win in honoring his desires today?  Please share your stories with us; we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Rochelle