As I read through some of her findings I was quite surprised. I do not experience my husband in some of the areas she discovered. For example she states that men feel they are going to be found out in their work environment and this is one area I know my husband feels very secure. He knows what he knows and will admit to what he does not know. However she also mentions that men feel they are going to be found out because they do not always know what they are doing. She states that men will compensate for this insecurity and their feeling of being watched by working long hours. This caught my attention.
The other finding that caught my attention was the idea that men feel like impostors at home. She found that most men want to be a good husband, but many do not feel they know everything about how to succeed at being a good husband.
So how do we help our men in the face of their insecurities, the author notes a few strategies,
1. Affirmation is everything - "Home is the most important place for a man to be affirmed. If a man knows that his wife believes in him, he is empowered to do better in every area of his life."
2. Don't tear him down - 44% of the 4000 men she polled said they actually felt unappreciated at home. Specifically men between 36 - 55 felt even less unappreciated. Most wives do appreciate their husband, we just may not show it enough or in a way that matters to them. Hint, in their Love Language.
3. Create a safety zone - Men want to know their home is a safe haven for them. If we as wives are too attentive to their mistakes at home, the home becomes as much a war zone as the outside world to our husbands.
4. Supportive sex - Her study found that the role of sex (sessions) cannot be overstated. A great sex life will overshadow and overcome a multitude of impostor messages from the world.
5. The gift of confidence - Men want their wives to be aware of their weaknesses, failings, shortcomings and still want them. They need us to be their number one source of encouragement to become the men God created them to be.
Today I am honoring my husband by honoring his insecurities and recognizing that although he may be my rock he has vulnerabilities that need to be attended to. Some time ago I was watching a show and the actress Holly Robinson Peete was playing the role of a wife. She had an appointment with her ob-gyn. Her husband than began to question her about her visit and her doctor. I wondered why he was so inquisitive until they showed her doctor. He was a very tall, handsome, muscular African American man. I could tell her husband was uncomfortable with her doctor and more so since he was her obgyn. At the end of the show, Holly shared with her husband that she had found another doctor, a female and he was of course elated. He had never asked her to change doctors but she knew her husband enough to recognize his insecurities. I thought, wow, now that was a major strategic move. Imagine the deposit into her husband's emotional love bank account.
Wives of the world in what way do you or can you honor your husband's insecurities? Do you use his insecurities to put him down or do you recognize them and try to make sure you do your part to help him overcome them? The author notes, "it's about sending the man we love into the world every day, alive with the belief that he can slay dragons," to me this is how to honor our husband's insecurities. How can you honor your husband's insecurities today?
Note: Just as a side bar, I have been writing this blog for close to 170 days. The topic I have noted the most is respect, respect, respect. I have written about it 15 out of the 168 days which is close to 10%. Ladies, I cannot say enough about the importance of this topic to your husband. If you do not believe me, the researchers, or the Bible; ask your husbands.
Blessings,
Rochelle
"My theory is that men are no more liberated than women." ~Indira Gandhi
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